I had a mini meltdown the other day, because Christmas isn’t my favourite time of year.
It is crowded, pushy, and with so many dissected families now (and yes, I mean dissected) it means several Christmas’ in one day. Too stressful if you ask me! If I had a choice, I would go bush for two weeks and come out again after New Years.
I have to admit that I am a lot more relaxed now than I used to be, reviewing my year and even the last two years. I used to be so rigid in my ways, had schedules that I followed, and stressed out if I didn’t make it somewhere on time. I remember doing that from when I was a teenager, it was my way of coping with the life that I lived.
Now, if I am late, sorry, I tried (although I still hear Ants Parder saying “if you’re on time, you’re late!”) but I am not sweating the small stuff any more. I don’t have a schedule (other than my work schedule). If I want to go into town, damn it, I will (35 minute drive in either direction!). If I have several events lined up in one day, I don’t worry if I miss one or two of them, because I need to look after myself, and if that is one message I could get out there to Mum’s, Writers, friends, fellow depression sufferers, it is this:
“Take care of yourself first, then you can look after the others better.”
It is really important that you take time out and spend time alone, away from your children, those things that harm you, or your thoughts. Go and lie out in the sunshine, take a bike ride, go for a walk, let your mind wander free. Give yourself the time, each and every day, to take care of yourself.
As for my Christmas meltdown, I felt really stupid afterwards. It was unnecessary really, but at that moment, I just couldn’t take the pressure. Fortunately I had my Mum there who talked me through it (I love my Mum! x x) and I was able to see how fruitless my pity party was.
And I now realise that Christmas will be what I make it. I will make it a good family day for my husband, my son, and hopefully my two stepsons. It will be a day where we enjoy each others company and spend time telling each other how important they are to each other. If one thing life has taught me this year:
Time is precious, use it wisely.