I’m writing this at 2:35am – so that should tell you something. Yet again depression has raised its ugly head, and not in the way I expected.
I returned to my Doctor on Friday because I have been extremely tired lately – not just “I want to go to bed early tired”, I mean “Do some work and have to go to sleep” tired.
She has taken enough blood to sort out an entire African nation in case of an emergency, and increased my medication – because it might be depression again. And she is probably right. My Mum came with me and was able to tell her stuff that I wasn’t, and it was scary to hear it from another person’s mouth, but Mum was right. Probably the tiredness hasn’t been helping, but that is also a symptom of depression returning.
So with the increase in the antidepressant, I am now restless at night, in fact not sleeping much, my body is a bag of nerves and I am grinding my teeth, and that is only stepping up to the new dosage. This is what I hate about changing my medication – the adjustment period it takes for my poor body to get used to it. Once I am into the increased dosage, all of these symptoms, fingers crossed, will settle down, but in the meantime, I have to go through it.
My stepdad has been wonderful. And because of what I am going through, and how open I have been about my experiences, he has opened up and we freely talk about our depression experiences to each other and he now talks to others about it to. He has brought the John Kirwan book, especially for the both of us to read, and I can’t wait to get my hands on it.
So in the meantime, it is a case of just waiting, and wringing my hands, grinding my teeth and a few sleepless nights until the medication settles down.