Well this is new to me, Anxiety.  I was wondering why my depression was getting worse, and had it pegged to a lot of little things adding up to create my depression.  I visited with my counsellor and we discussed symptoms, and apparently, I am suffering from heightened Anxiety, which will trigger my depression (which triggers anxiety, which triggers anxiety etc etc.)

So, the fact that my ears start ringing, my shoulders start hunching, and my head gets light headed means that I need to take a deep breath and try to relax.  Unfortunately that doesn’t help when you happen to be off on a major episode (nothing makes sense, you feel irritable, anxious, alone, nobody loves you etc) and my Mum and Bobba had to come up with some medication to calm me down.  It worked, but it made me feel pretty crappy the next day.

Bangs Head on Desk by Tolan88 @ deviantart
Bangs Head on Desk by Tolan88 @ deviantart

One downside of anxiety – your self esteem plummets.  And I mean plummets.  It may as well not exist.  I have no confidence in myself at all, I call into question everything that I am good at, and I feel emtpy and useless.  The emptiness and loneliness is hard.  No matter who is in your world, you feel like no one cares, and no one wants to be around a sad sack.

Fortunately I am able to keep my game face on while I am working, but I am tired by the time I get home.  Very tired, which can trigger an anxiety attack.  Almost feels like you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

All I have to do is breathe.  Find ways to relax.  Get back into my yoga and take it quietly.  Just be.  Sit on a chair and be aware of the chair on the back of your legs, your bottom and back.  Let your arms rest.  Take in a deep breath and let it out.  Be aware of your breathing.

So this is where I am at going into Christmas.  A busy time of year without having to worry about anxiety, but fortuntately I have a doctors visit next week, so hopefully that will help make things improve.

If I don’t post on here beforehand, hope you have a wonderful and blessed Christmas.

Another Glitch in the System of My Brain
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2 thoughts on “Another Glitch in the System of My Brain

  • December 14, 2013 at 6:53 am
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    I hope you get lots of time to relax over the Christmas period, though I know it’s a fairly stressful time for most people. Anxiety sucks, a lot. I get it a fair bit, and even after years of dealing with it, and knowing how it works, it’s still one of those things that can throw me from time to time. I hope your methods keep working for you and that your trip to the doctor helps 🙂

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  • December 29, 2013 at 11:18 am
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    I second yoga. I had a few really low days on Christmas and the days following it… then visited a friend at her bach and had Wasgij time and felt better! I see it as a sort-of meditation :p

    There’s a lot of us that can relate to the depression-anxiety-downward-negative-spiral thinking, and you are one person that helped me through mine – you’re strong and capable and you’ll get through in no time xx

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