I thought I had written a post about this previously, but it appears that if I did, I either deleted it, or didn’t post it.
An interesting topic forgiveness – not one that can be taken lightly. Forgiveness is a big topic and a big issues for some people. And lets face it, some people like to hold on to grudges, because if they forgive, they might get hurt again, or it might show them as being a weaker person.
Forgiveness goes a long way to helping you recover from anything that has happened in the past, whether you are on the receiving end or the giving end. Nine times out of ten, it is me that has been asking for forgiveness. Here’s a recent example.
Last Christmas, 2013, my bestie told me that someone that doesn’t like me (and I mean DOESN’T like me) asked her to go camping for a couple of days. Now this seemed out of character for the other person, but my bestie agreed. As I wasn’t in the best place mentally at the time, this was the crushing blow to my mental health, and meant the next three or four months really forcing myself to recover. I over-reacted, posted some stuff that I regret, and my best friend fell back into friend status – we no longer had that close personal connection.
And I missed it desperately. I needed her in my life, but she had distanced myself from me because of my reaction. I can’t even justify it. My psychologist told me I handled it badly and asked me how I could have handled it better. My bestie has a right to do what she pleases. She doesn’t have to justify her actions to me.
It took me until September to pull my head out of the sand. I realised that I had wronged my friend. I apologised. I told her my behaviour was unacceptable and that she had a right to go if she wanted to. As for how I could have handled it better – I don’t know if I could have at the time. Now, I would, because I wouldn’t be ruminating on the matter.
All that matters to me, is that my bestie accepted my apology, and once more, we are back to our bestie status again. She is my awesome friend who I bounce ideas off, talk to about my moods. I encourage her to keep going, to look at the positives in life, to enjoy her time. We benefit from encouraging each other, and talking about our moods. We giggle and carry on while in town – to the point where people are often looking at us, obviously wondering why two middle aged women and carrying on and giggling like school girls.
As I told a guy the other day – its a shame we grow up and get mature.
Anyway, because my bestie forgave me, I felt better. Her forgiveness did not justify my reasons for over-reacting or acting the way I did. Her forgiveness allowed me to heal the hurt that had developed inside of me because we were no longer as close as we were. While a really close connection might not have come back between us, I really valued her friendship, and I have to say, I am relieved and pleased that we went back to our closeness, because I don’t know where I would be without my bestie.
Do you have someone you need to forgive? Ask yourself if a relationship or friendship has changed and how you could make it better, or go back to the way it was. They might not want to go back to that level of friendship, but at least you would have done the right thing, and allowed yourself to heal.