I was going to do a piece about bullying, but after last week’s rant, about subconscious thoughts I thought I better write something more positive and fitting for the Feel Good Thursday post.

This year is all about me, being here.  I know that sounds odd, so I will explain.

At the end of last year, early this year, one of my friends on twitter had Commit to you – what is your mantra quiz, which I took.  And my mantra is:

I am Here.

I am here.  It seems an odd statement, but for me it was truly a revelation, because of counselling over the previous year, this was appropriate.  Whenever I did Trauma Therapy with my psychologist, one of the things I had to remember was to ground myself and remember that I am in 2014, I am here.

Why is that important?  Because when you are triggered by something, it takes you back to that memory, and the next thing, your heart rate is increasing, adrenaline floods your system and you go into flight or fight mode.  By grounding myself and reminding myself that I am present in 2014 and not in 1990’s I am able to look at the trauma, and not be part of it.  I am looking at it, feeling the fear, and allowing the pain to go over me, without being responsible or part of the action happening.

I am here, reminds me that I need to be grounded.  

When I am triggered, I am here, in 2015.  I’m not back in the 90s, 00s or the 10s.  I am here, at this particular date, at this particular time.  And I can take a deep breath, which clears your mind, stops it dropping the adrenaline into my system and I am able to look at it objectively instead of subjectively.

I know I haven’t really explained myself very well here, but I know that this is important to me.  This saying, this mantra is something I keep coming back to because I need to remember that.  I am out of the care of the psychologist now, I am on my own.  She believes that I have the tools I need to cope now, and that I am able to move forward.  To move forward, I have to remember to take my medication, remember my coping strategies and remember to look after myself first and foremost.

Smells, sights, sounds, tastes, touches can all make memories rush to the forefront

I have days, where I don’t cope quite so well, triggers happen in so many different forms –  everyone has memories, pleasant or otherwise.  The smell of fresh cut grass can remind us of our childhood home, smell of hot wet sand reminds me of a day I went to the beach where it was a hot sunny day and mist was rising off the sand, and created sea fog.  It was an amazing day.  Some memories can be painful.  The feeling of gravel on knees can recall a time when you first fell off your bicycle, the fish pie that made you sick.  It could be something completely vague, like a commercial on television that reminds me of an incident.  Listening to Def Leppard reminds me of a time I came home from High School to find my mother housecleaning with the stereo pumping this out full volume, after telling my brother he isn’t allowed to play that tape at home!

The other day, while out running, I was thinking about bullying, because it has been something quite relevant to our local school, and I got to thinking about being bullied at school.  And then I made a realisation, that someone close to me bullied me.  It was something I should have known about, but hadn’t (hey, I am blonde!) and it shook me, and I spent the rest of the day in a bit of a funk.

But the next day was a new day.  I am Here, in 2015, those things happened in the past, and they belong there.  They may need to be dealt with (processed through) but I am here, now.

So, I am Here.  Now.  In the present.  Did you do the quiz?  What is your mantra?  Is it relevant to you?

I am Here
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