I don’t mean the one you sleep in. I will always have issues with my bed – good ones and bad ones.
No, this BED is Binge Eating Disorder. I’ve written about this briefly before, but it is becoming more prevalent in my life again, and I need to get on top of it.
So what is BED? It is an actual eating disorder, along the lines of Bulimia and Anorexia. It is eating too much of the wrong stuff, and feeling guilty about it, but unlike Bulimia, you don’t rush off to the toilet to make yourself sick. Instead, it screws with your brain, so you make yourself mentally sick by holding onto the guilt. I always knew I wasn’t bulimic, but I would binge until I made myself feel sick, but just couldn’t bring myself to purge it from my body.
How does one get BED? I don’t know the answer to that one. All I know is that my psychologist picked it up, and she was going to discuss it with me, but I had been making such great progress, that she decided I was handling it well on my own. Well I was.
Now, it has me in its grips again, and I can’t stop it. Well, I probably can, but I am struggling to find the underlying cause of it this time.
When anyone suffers from a psychological problem, most become comfort eaters. They eat for the sake of having something to make themselves feel good about themselves. As I have gotten older, and struggled to cope with life, I discovered more and more that I was eating all the wrong stuff, and to make matters worse, I was hiding it too. But the only person I was fooling was myself. My husband could see I was getting bigger, and he was concerned, but he is wise enough to know that any comment would only incite violence. (Very wise man!)
In August last year, I successfully went for the entire month not eating any junkfood – no chocolate, no chips (crisps), no fast food, no biscuits, no fizzy drinks, no white bread – all the stuff that is “bad” for you. And I was successful at it. I even got out most mornings and got some exercise in.
Because I was seeing my psychologist at the time, it worked out really well, and I felt supported and encouraged.
But then things got colder, and it was too dark to go out walking on the frosty autumn mornings, and then it was bloody freezing here (I don’t do cold) and my exercise went to zero. Then I began to comfort eat again – this time chocolate was on my hitlist. Which is odd, because I’m not particularly fond of chocolate.
So where am I at now? I’ve put on the kilo’s I so carefully lost over summer, and I feel stodgy once more. I need to get out and get physical again, but I need some extra motivation. Fortunately I have a friend who is in a similar boat to me. We’re hoping we can get access to the school gym and start doing some weights, and create a fitness program for ourselves. We also have plans to get out tramping a bit this year, with an overnight trip to Sabine Hut up at Nelson Lakes planned for the next couple of weeks, before tackling the Hackett or St James Walkways over summer – not sure which yet, maybe even both! We’ll see.
But in order to achieve this, I need to stop with the non healthy eating – but that is hard, because the more I focus on it, the more chocolate I want to eat.
Any helpful suggestions on how to stop craving the wrong stuff? I still have some healthy habits from last time, like fruit on my rolled oats, and honey instead of sugar, but I need to feel full as well as have the energy, otherwise I end up having afternoon naps and being sedentary again. Something I definitely don’t want to do.
Sorry this isn’t such a positive post for Feel Good Thursday, but not doubt there are others out there who suffer from Binge Eating Disorder, and are pleased to know it has a name, and be able to build from there.