Life at the moment is fairly hectic for me. In counselling we are doing Trauma Therapy – for those that don’t know what that is, it is dealing with a trauma that happened in your past, and you keep going through it, dissecting the emotions until you are able to recount the event without too much strain. I am at the starting end of this spectrum, and it’s hard. Very bloody hard.
I told my psychologist after my first week that I really needed respite care, and some time to myself. It’s all well and good having time out, but when you need to ugly cry, I can’t do it in front of my husband or son without it affecting them, and I don’t want to go into the logistics of the problem with my son, he is too young to really understand. I just wanted somewhere I could disappear to for a few days, somewhere peaceful, quiet, and where I could ugly cry without it being an issue.
“I know just the place,” she said, much to my surprise, and she did. Nestled in the Moutere Hills is a little haven for those who are suffering from mental illness. It is a place where those who don’t need to be hospitalised can go and have some time out from life. So for once, “Stop the bus of life, I want to get off,” actually happened.
I went on Thursday and ended up in tears. I chose a lovely small cabin bedroom outside of the main property. Because I wasn’t a concern, I could deal with my own medication and come and go as I pleased from my cabin.
Imagine my surprise and absolute joy when I came out four days later, how much calmer and more in control I was. I might not be “happy” at the moment, and let’s face it, when you are facing past trauma, one can’t be considered “happy”, but I am feeling relaxed and more in charge. I feel capable of dealing with this now, of facing the hurts and the emotions that all come to the surface and allow them to breathe, because this lessens the impact of the past. It takes away the pain of the circumstance. It doesn’t take away the hurt, that may never happen, but I can face that part of my life with a clearer focus on what happened.
I feel quieter within myself, and I have a calmness that I haven’t felt before. This is allowing me to keep my head together when my family are around me, but allow myself to have ugly cries when I need to. This is all healing.
So, people, if you have the opportunity, go out and give yourself some alone time, away from your family and out of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to feel the inner peace and calmness that comes. It is rewarding in so many ways.