Nearly a whole month of updates, and I’m enjoying sharing these with you. It is also a way for me to keep myself on track throughout the year.
Today, I’m discussing my emotions. My goals were:
My Emotional goals are:
recognising and dealing with my emotions as they arise (this is a big thing for me),
spend time meditating or doing yoga each week,
being aware of my surroundings and my reactions to them.
As I explained above, recognising and dealing with emotions is hard. I’ve spent considerable time with my psychologist identifying and learning what emotions look like, feel like, sound like. Most of you reading this won’t understand, but because I developed this cloak of “numbness” around me, I numbed out pain, and eventually, I numbed out my emotions. I can laugh, and I can cry, but it was hard for me to feel intense happiness, to feel elation. Sadness and pain were the only things I truly felt.
On the weekend, I went out for my first ever motorbike ride – riding one on my own. I was nervous – understandably, but I did it, I achieved the goal, which was to go for a ride and get back home safely. I should have felt elated, but I didn’t. I was happy, yes, but I didn’t feel any intense excitement. This is something that I am going to have to go back through my notes, and not let myself get bogged down by the negative emotions again.
I haven’t spent any considerable time in meditation or yoga recently, but I do a lot of praying, processing and thinking while I’m walking or gardening, these are my soulful moments at present. Until I get back into a routine with school and work, I won’t know when I can fit this in, but I enjoy yoga, so I will make time for it.
As for the third aspect of my goals, I am fully aware all the time of where I am, and I use my senses to really make me appreciate it. I can smell the river or the leaf litter when I am walking, I can see the birds and hear them singing in the trees around me, and when I hear them I smile, because I feel at one with nature, and at peace.
Next week I’ll talk about my mental health and update you on those goals.