Its been a while. And I have no excuse, except that I just plain forgot. Often in was Monday afternoon and I hadn’t done my usual Monday morning post. Sorry folks, that’s life for me at the moment.
As most of you are aware, I am on a sole parent benefit. It doesn’t give you much to live off. So I work part time. But with the rather strange Spring we are having -more rain than sunshine- I haven’t had a lot of work, and that has gotten me rather stressed.
And when I am stressed, I don’t write or do much creative work. I should be focused on finishing my art portfolio for my final Art assessment – but no, I haven’t even had the enthusiasm to get that done.
I was hoping to have Finding Amy Archer published on 6th October, but no. That hasn’t happened, and I am waiting on a cover to reveal. When it comes, I’ll let you know.
My writer friends all seem to have moved on and have new writing circles that they are in. I have no cheerleaders or supporters to encourage me to write, or to read something and give me their opinion. I miss that. And it is partly my fault for not getting in touch with those people, reaching out to them.
My depression just doesn’t seem to be lifting. I’m feeling alright, and doing all the right things, but I just can’t seem to move out of this funk that I have gotten myself into. I’m exercising, I’m working, I’m active, I’m eating healthily, I’m interacting with friends, I’m being creative, but I feel like there is something missing. That enthusiasm, that spark that gets you up in the morning, motivates you and gets you excited about the day ahead. Inside I wake up and its like – “Oh, another day to get through. Meh.”
I have made a rather monumental decision – I have decided to not renew my Romance Writers New Zealand membership, and once Finding Amy Archer is published, I might just put done my pen and pencil and notebooks, and start focusing on other things in life. Try and find my passion.
Writing was my passion, and possibly still is, but its not something I am excited about anymore. I want to find something that gets me out of bed, jumping for joy and wanting to rush out the door to do. Something that I live and breathe for. Something that consumes me and makes me passionate about life again.
I don’t want to keep plodding along and just surviving. I want to feel alive again.
So, once Amy Archer is out of my bloody hair, I will be taking a break from Catherine Mede and try and find something to get excited about.