Circumstances in the last two or three days (eventuating from a couple of weeks ago) have built up to the point where I am feeling VERY down. And I hate it!
A friend betrayed me, by acting out and another person very close to me has withdrawn and then wonders why I can’t support him. Hmmm – I wonder.
I have wonderful people around me who are supportive and encouraging, but it can be hard when you are in a dark place to “focus on the positive”, “spend time with people who shares your interests” or “enjoy your day” especially when all you can see is the dark cloud over your head.
I do try and be positive, and spend my days doing things I enjoy, but the moment I stop, the clouds roll in and I have to wonder just how much the good times do mean to me. It is hard to concentrate on the good feelings when the bad feelings blanket you and smother you.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not dissing these people who support me, its just that sometimes it is extremely HARD to focus on positive and enjoy things when you have this overwhelming feeling of being unloved.
At the moment, all I want to do is have a good cry and cuddle with someone I love – but to do that would mean opening myself up, and that is something I really can’t afford to do right now. Instead I have to push through, and know that this is only a little bump on the road – it just seems that the bumps are getting bigger, not smaller.
I am hoping to get some writing done today, because this is something that I know makes me feel happy at the moment – but I also don’t want to push it and take the fun out of it. See what kind of conundrum a person suffering from depression ends up in! Its honestly bloody hell!
Even the thought of stalking Tom Hardy on the internet no longer interests me… yes things are dire!
So anyway, I hope this gives you a little insight into how a depressed person thinks. I had better get on with my day, paint a smile on my face and pretend that all is well.