I ran into a friend the other day, at the hairdressers. She is writing again after a brief
period of not writing. And I envy her. But I suspect she is writing for the same reason I used to write. To escape.
Writing was my way of sinking into another world, taking the load off for an hour to just write and visit with my characters, see the world through their eyes and experience things that I wouldn’t necessarily experience in real life – things like peace, calmness, tranquillity grace under pressure.
Now, because I have escaped my depression, I no longer need that escapism, and now I find I am procrastinating about writing. And it is silly really. And in a way it isn’t. I have new characters to write about, new experiences for them to live with, but do I really want to go through that with them, or do I want to just enjoy my life now as I have it?
I keep going around and around in circles, yes I want to write, no I don’t, but I guess it all comes down to fear, fear that I will be sucked back into my old habits of escapism and using it as a way to get some normalcy into my life.
Sounds weird – yeah well, I don’t expect everyone to understand. Only I need to understand my own psychological need to defeat myself – lol – and I am trying to do that even when I aren’t writing! Even with editing, I have been struggling, because Ice Planet was what really tipped me over the balance as far as the depression was concerned.
So, I have some soul searching to do, I have to work out how to write effectively (and I know once I start, I will slip comfortably back into my new writing style), and how to edit and most of all, how to work it all into my busy schedule without feeling totally out of my depth!