Last Thursday, I had a great start tothe day. I decided to dig up half of my garden and plant some seeds in the hopes that some plants might come up before winter sets in. It was a very industrious morning and I felt happy with the outcome. As a treat (and because Friday was Good Friday), I went up to my favourite cafe with my laptop.
That was my mistake.
By the time I got home, I was feeling very flat and not terribly happy. While I was at the Cafe, I had forced myself to write. And that was my problem. I had to force myself. What I wrote was OK, but writing just isn’t something I really want to do at present. And I had made myself do something I didn’t want to do.
Today, as I write this, it is clear as day. At the time, it took me a while to figure out what the problem was. I need to give myself the time and space to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and I knew, before I went to the cafe, that I should probably have taken a book to read instead. But no. I forced myself to take my laptop and made myself miserable instead.
The school holidays are upon me, so a lot of editing won’t be going on, but that is OK. I think I need to read for a while anyway, and I have Matt Hammond‘s second book to Beta read, and I am enjoying that very much.
And I will take it gently on myself, and not force myself to do something I don’t want to do. Because if I don’t enjoy it, it will only bring me down again. Albeit temporarily.