It has been two weeks since I revisited my Doctor – I visit her again tomorrow. I have changed my antidepressant again, but this time, I have not crashed, gone backwards or felt miserable during the changeover. I am hoping that this might be the one.
I had a heart to heart with my Doctor. I told her that I am sick of having these ups and downs. I want to be normal (yeah – lol – I know!), I want to be consistent, instead of changing every time the tablets don’t work. This isn’t the last resort – there is the Mental Health Unit and Psychiatrists – which is a path I may have to go down, but in the meantime, I have to keep trying.
The good news is, these tablets have kept me stable – not up, not down. Just stable. I have had a few afternoon naps, but not as many as before, and I am finding that each day, there is more and more I can do. I have been helping my husband out at work – he has just gone out on his own, and I have become an apprentice cable tugger – what he calls me – and it involves pulling cables through walls. I have also cleaned up after him and set out the detectors and sounders he needed for the rooms. It has all worked out really nicely.
I have taken up meditation – although I don’t do as much as I would like, although there is a very simple one that I do, when I get into bed at night. That is noticing my breathing and saying to myself – rising (inhale), falling (exhale). Just doing that even when I am stressed is enough to make me calmer, and I recognise my cue now – I get ringing in my left ear – that is the first indication that I am stressed. Funny that.
I have also taken up yoga. And my husband enjoys it too. We have done a couple of sessions together, and we have both commented on how it gives us an inner calm, and makes us feel taller – because of the stretches that we have been doing. It is nice to find something pleasant that I can do with my husband.
And he has become my biggest support. It is wonderful to have my husband beside me, encouraging me, loving me, supporting me. He have allowed me time to do things I need to do, space to have time to myself and there to support me when I need him. It is lovely to have such encouragement within the family home.
And of course, where would I be without my wonderful friends, Cassie, Grace, Zenobia, Tee, Deryn – all have passed on such loving and encouraging words to me lately, and I appreciate that. It is nice to have friends who take the time out of their day to send me an email to say – thinking of you!
So, things are looking up, and hopefully I can start getting back into some writing, and then I can have more interesting things to write about than my mental state – although it is fun trying to untangle threads that are knotted up within your brain – NOT!
But here is something to consider:
I want my laptop with me, and a bed by the window!