Highs and Lows

This week has been a week in contrasts.  My depression has returned and I have spent 10 days wondering what it is all about!  At night, it is like my mind has thousands of thoughts, but they happen all at the same time, and when I close my eyes, they try and follow each thought.  I am so tense that I am scared I will snap instead of bend over!  During the day I wander around like I am in a daze, wondering what I am supposed to be doing.

I did have something to do (and focus on) though, the BGAC – Boys and Girls Agricultural Show – aka Tapawera Show which was on Saturday just been.  It is like an A&P show, but focused more at the kids.  I am in charge of the minishow – Handcrafts, cooking, horticulture in the hall, and I also helped out doing the Schedule and Catalogue for the horses – equestrian, showjumping etc.  That kept me relatively entertained for a couple of days.

I am looking forward to going back to counselling, I think I really do need to talk about some things.  Three weeks is along time to go without having a trusted ear to bend.  I know I could talk to my husband and friends, but my counsellor validates what I say, she doesn’t judge me for my weird thoughts or strange ideas.

Writing, well with being busy this week, I haven’t had that opportunity, yet I have some up with a brilliant plan for Blood Gold.  It will take a bit of time, and lots of transcribing (one of the joys of not sleeping at night!), but I have some ideas of people / organisations I can approach about getting some first hand information.  But basically, I think I will start each chapter with the transcript from the paper at the time, which will lead into the action going on in the story, and hopefully it is chronologically ordered (the trial witnesses) with the action.  If not, the newspaper articles will jump about a bit.  I think that this will help to cut out any unnecessary story telling that doesn’t really need to be told.  And hopefully drop one in the action faster.  We will have to see how it goes.

Medusa is the story I am focusing on now, and I have to get started on Chapter two.  I really need to try and do a chapter a night, in order to really get it done by the end of the month… but then I probably should print it out to read it, and make notes in the margin etc… Oh well, thoughts and plans and al those things!


4 thoughts on “Highs and Lows

  1. I’m sorry that you are feeling low again! that sucks. When do you get to see your counselor again? They are so great to have! I hope it’s soon. Sounds like your creative brain is still ticking over which is great 🙂

    • Thanks Cassie, I am going this week, and it can’t come soon enough for me! My counsellor is wonderful, and I enjoy talking to her, I have right from the start, because I know she can’t tell anyone else!

      Yes, my creative brain is ticking faster than I can comprehend it at the moment. I woke in the middle of the night, freaking because I couldn’t remember the marvellous thing I wanted to do… it slowly filtered back to me.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough week. I’m glad you have a “trusted ear to bend” and hope it helps you. I’ve struggled with a lot the last few years myself – a ridiculous amount of loss that has left me skating the edge of depression constantly. I find my way to peace daily, but it takes a lot of work. Maybe we can encourage each other on our journeys…I’m a writer, too.

    Blessings to you on your journey…hope your writing can be healing for you.

  3. Hello Megan, thanks for your kind words. Have been to visit your blog, and your pain makes sense to me. If you haven’t already, do seek professional help, it does make life easier, and you don’t have to take antidepressants. There are lots of other alternatives, but counselling works. Look forward to hearing from you! 🙂

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