Knowing my Limits

This week has been… well challenging. Monday was a long day at work, and by the time I got home I was burning with anger. Tuesday, that anger hadn’t subsided much, which was unusual. Normally when I’m angry, I vent, its gone. But no, this stuck around.

Wednesday, I couldn’t get out of my own way. I hadn’t slept for two days (due to the unknown anger) and needed a day off. Mentally, I was struggling. You see, my mental health has declined because of a medical condition. By the end of the day, I had messaged my Doctor and told her I needed to see her, before March, which was the next available appointment.

Thursday, I had it together enough to know that I was okay. And went to work, Friday was okay too. Saturday,I got out for a walk and today is, of course, Sunday.

You see, when I wrote Why Wednesday, it was last Sunday, and I decided that I needed to write something, so I wrote about my mental health and depression, which I was diagnosed with 12 years ago. I didn’t realise that I would be suffering a decline by Wednesday.

I recognised it late – normally things happen that make me aware that my mental health is deteriorating, like no interest in writing, lack of sleep, or oversleeping, crying for no real reason. It wasn’t until Wednesday lunchtime that I knew I had to go for a walk and do something to get out of my own head. It worked though, and by Wednesday night I was feeling better.

My doctor messaged me to tell me she will call me on a certain date, and we will be able to discuss options then. Until then, I am in a holding pattern, keeping busy, walking (exercising), being creative in other ways (redesigning book covers / creating Christmas presents etc, and watching funny videos.

Hopefully I will be feeling better by Christmas time and able to celebrate and enjoy the festive season.

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