Category Archives: Mental Health

Being In Tune With Your Body

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This week has been busy. My mum has been over from Blenheim, I’ve worked during the day and at night, and it’s all been rather busy. I’ve also been trying not to have a cold.

And I woke up Saturday morning, made a coffee and went back to bed to read. I got up about 9am, had breakfast, and went back to bed. Because I was physically tired. I got up yesterday afternoon and lazed on the couch all day, watching YouTube videos of people who remake dolls into something special, cos-players creating new costumes, and various archeological programs. It wasn’t a sickness ache, it was a bone-weary ache. And yes, I know the difference.

When I’m sick, I start immediately taking chili tea – and it isn’t as nasty as you think. You put a teaspoon or two of the chili tea into what you’re drinking and it will help clear your throat of any mucus and generally make me feel better.

Yesterday morning, it was a tiredness that I get when I’ve done too much physically. I get it a lot, and often when I’m over-peopled or been overly physical, mostly in the garden. I’m guessing that I pushed myself a little too much with work and my body was letting me know that I needed a break.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling more refreshed and ready to go, and I was able to spend some time on my computer editing, because I need to get that book out! When I’m tired, I start to lose concentration and I make silly mistakes, and that’s when I know I need to quit what I’m doing and give myself a break. I ache in the back of the head, and around my sinus’s (I also did a nasal flush). Bone-weary tiredness is an ache in all of my joints, like they are heavy and I can’t lift them up. People with Chronic Fatigue will understand that tiredness and the lack of energy that comes with that.

It’s only since I was diagnosed with depression about ten years ago that I started to become more aware of my gut instinct and my body, and what my body was telling me. It knows what it needs, and to start with it was hard when I lived with somebody who was too busy gaslighting me to help me. I had stopped trusting my gut, but I knew that I needed to do what was right for me.

I still have hang up’s about resting because of that person, but as the years roll on, I’ve learnt that my body is more aware of what it needs than I give it credit for. And the bone-weary tiredness is a way my body tells me that I’ve been pushing things too hard.

I urge you to listen to your body. It knows what is right for you and what you need. Don’t ignore it when it’s telling you something.

A Moment in the life of a writer

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My mental health has been discussed here a lot, but lately it has been on the up and up. I have the occasional day when things don’t quite go to plan, but that is normal whether you have a mental health issue or not.

Yesterday (Saturday), I had a bit of a blip. I’d written about 5000 words over various stories, and while that is normally something I’m extremely happy with, I told myself that it would probably all be deleted when it comes to editing.

I was tired and on my drive home, I managed to convince myself that I was a completely pathetic writer and that none of my stories were any good, and no wonder I didn’t have sales, etc.

By the time I got home, had dinner and ruminated some more, I was at the point of tears. I knew that it was wrong, and that I was over-reacting, but I couldn’t seem to shake myself out of the melancholy.

I was so upset and wound up about my writing. My partner, very attuned to my moods asked me if I was okay. When I told him, he told me that 5000 words was impressive, and if I wasn’t a successful writer, then I wouldn’t have so many books published (7 books) (Yes, he is a keeper). I had a cry, snuggled with him and then went to bed.

This morning (Sunday), I woke up feeling a lot brighter and happier, and able to look on yesterday’s blip and recognise it for what it was. An overtired reaction to something that my brain ruminated over. knew

Everyone has moments where they overthink something, or over react to something that happened in their day. Sometimes it’s tiredness, it might be stress, or it could be something else altogether. Just remember, it is only a blip. It isn’t the end of the world, or the end of your mental health. It is just a day where you refer back to your earlier self, before you had the tools to help you cope with situation.

Recognising that I was over-reacting was a good thing, because I knew that I would come through the other side and still have my mental health intact.

If you have a bad day, remember it is only one moment in time. And sometimes we need the bad times to remember how far we’ve come on a good day.

Overfilling my Cups

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With Intellection and Learner being high on my Gallup Strengths, work has been filling my cups to overflowing at the moment. I’m learning so much about work, my work environment, my co-workers and understanding the place that I’m working in. There is the learning also, learning the new computer systems, which are probably slightly dated, but I’m coming to grips with them.

As a result of my tumultuous timetable, I’ve had little time for writing, and on the morning’s, I haven’t been working, I’ve managed to scramble around in Finding Sam Healey which I’ve promised my editor by the 10th of March.

I haven’t had a lot of time for writing because I’ve been focused on trying to get my edits done. And I haven’t had a lot of time to edit because I’ve been working erratic hours. It will be nice to finally get into my roster so that I can settle my routine and get my new routine working. I’ve also been incredibly brain tired as my brain tries to process what I’m learning.

I have worked out something important though in my writing. I started out this year, thinking that I didn’t have a job until now. I was going to focus on writing fulltime to get my books out there. But I realise now, that isn’t really a possibility. I need to have a job in order to give my brain a break from creativity. And while there are other things I could do in that time, because my writing only takes up about two hours of my day, marketing etc wouldn’t take up much more.

Listening to the Rebel Author Podcast with Sacha Black, made me realise that it’s okay to still have a job and write. Some popular writers find they need that stimulation to keep them writing. So. I’m looking at this as a win.

Until I get into a routine, my writing is going to be out of kilter for a little while. As long as I get my editing done by the 10th…

Winter Woes

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Man, I hate being sick. And I don’t do sick well, that’s to say, I’m a lousy patient. I can’t just sit and rest, I need to be doing something, like vacuuming the floor, or dusting, or cleaning, or SOMETHING!

But that something isn’t writing at the moment, which is an indicator that my mental health is declining. The fortunate thing is that I recognise this, and I am being constructive. While I’m not writing, I am editing – Compromising Positions – and it will be ready to send the editor by the middle of next month (I’m pretty sure that’s what we agreed to…I hope…)

I’m trying to be active, however this cold / flu / post covid whatever-it-is has me feeling good some days, and really crappy others. I can wake up in the morning feeling good, then go downhill, or wake up feeling really ill, and within a couple of hours, I’m feeling okay. But it is in my chest now, and it has started rattling whenever I lie down. And on a quiet stroll on Saturday, I ended up with asthma, even though I wasn’t rushing or pushing myself, and it was a comparatively short walk to what I normally do.

I’m finding funny videos to watch, and spending time with my partner, as my son is holidaying in California. I’m crafting when I feel like it, so I am doing the right things to help improve my mood. It’s just my physical health that is really bringing me down, and I can’t do anything about that.

But I’ve bitten the bullet. I’ve made a Drs appointment, even though I know she is going to say that it’s viral and there isn’t anything they can do, at least I can go in and see her and tell her how sick I am of being sick!

So how has your week been? Better than mine, I hope.

Taking Each Day as it Comes.

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It’s been a week. Really. A long week. After having covid, I seem to have picked up a post covid infection. Of course, it isn’t clear exactly where. My chest isn’t wheezing, my nose is clear, but I’m coughing up some yucky stuff.

I’ve been taking it quietly, very quietly. I haven’t been doing a lot at all. The reason is, I knew I would have an incredibly emotional day on Saturday, which was the memorial for my dear friend Aaron. And I was right, it was an emotional day. I spent the entire service in tears. I’m still feeling very raw.

To add to my emotional woes, my beloved Son is heading off on his own adventure overseas, and it’s the first time he’s left home for a significant period of time. And of course, he couldn’t just go to the North Island, or travel around the south, no, he had to decide to go to the US for a month. To say I’m nervous is an understatement, but I have to let him go and experience life on his own terms.

As a result of the recent emotional upheavels, I have not been writing, which means that my mental health is dropping, but I know and recognise that. That is the reason why I am taking each day as they come. Because I only have the day I am in. It is pretty much how I exist, and its only at the end of the day that I look at the following day, and think about what I might do for dinner (if it’s my cooking day) and make my lunch and get my work gear organised for for the following day.

So as this week begins, I will be taking it one day at a time, which means enjoying spending some time with my son before I take him to the airport on Monday afternoon.

Scrambled Brains

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I’ve just got back from a trip over to Wineborough to see my Mum, Stepmum and Dad. My Stepmum isn’t very well at the moment, so I took the opportunity to go over and catch up with them all.

My stepmum is very special to me, and her illness is very serious, and it’s been playing on my mind for a couple of weeks. To the point that my brain has become like scrambled eggs. I think it is a combination of stress and tiredness, but I notice it when I’m mentally stressed mostly, and that is, that words just don’t always come to me. The most common objects, I can look at it, and it will take me a while to figure out what it is. Case in point, I used the last of my floss the other day on my teeth and couldn’t remember for the life of me what it was called. Of course, the packaging didn’t help, it just called it floss, so I wrote it down on my shopping list as mouth floss. It took me 5 (FIVE) days to remember it was called Dental Floss!

And this sort of thing is a problem when you’re writing regularly. Sometimes you know a word, but it won’t come into your head when you need it, so you use other words that mean it, but it’s not what you want to use, and of course, when the time comes to edit, I will read it and think, what the hell am I talking about!

Do you have scrambled brain problems too? Hopefully you had a good week.

Take care out there.

Catherine

Finding Me Time

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It’s that time of the year, where I am meeting myself coming backwards at the moment. I work fulltime as a gardener, and then from late February / March I work in three evenings a week packing apples from 5 until 9pm. It is to help out a local orchard.

Then during the school term, I have pole classes on a Thursday. By the time I get to the weekend, I am busy catching up on household chores that I don’t get done during the week because I don’t have time.

And then, because I like to complicate things so much, I am also studying my final paper in my organic’s course – Composting. Which isn’t as easy as you think. We’ve had to look at how soil develops, from chemical and physical weathering of rocks. To say it is exciting is an extremely overcomplicated process. Basically it creates sand. That’s it. Not dirt, but sand.

In the mornings i squeeze in a few minutes of writing from the time my partner and son leave the house until I need to leave the house. Which sometimes is only ten minutes, but it’s better than nothing.

On Friday night, rather than sitting and staring at a screen, I decided to get out my Queen 1000 piece puzzle. And I remembered why I had put it away in the first place. It’s rather complicated, and I spent a good hour just trying to find pieces of one of the parts of the puzzle.

But you know what. I relaxed. I breathed deep and I spent some quality time doing something that I actually enjoy doing. Because you often need to find time to do the things that you enjoy doing, just to give yourself a break from other stuff going on inside your head.

What did you do this week that you did for yourself?

Take care out there

Catherine

Unstoppable

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Sia’s song, Unstoppable has been playing in my head lately, and while it is a conflicted song, it’s the chorus that makes me feel so positive and well… unstoppable!

‘I’m unstoppable, I’m like a Porsche without the brakes. I’m invincible, and I will win every single game. I’m so powerful I don’t need batteries to play. I’m so confident, yeah, I’m unstoppable today.’

The actual verses are about how she puts on a happy face to get through the day, and no one really knows what she is going through.

I actually feel like this is describing depression.’ Break down, only alone will I cry out loud’, ‘I put my armour on, show you how strong I am’, ‘Tell you what you want to hear.’

If this sounds like you, there are people out there who can help you. I got help, and while people hassle me about being on medication, I have a quality of life I wouldn’t otherwise have. Talk to your friends, your boss, someone you trust. I went down the route of green prescription first, but it didn’t work. I tried it for a year, that’s how long I tried to make it work, but it didn’t.

And now, I am unstoppable. I am invincible (to a degree, lol). I’m powerful and I am confident, because I am who I chose to be, which is me. A wonderfully created weirdo who likes to laugh at people doing stupid things!

What are you doing today to make you confident in who you are?

Kia Kaha

Winning All Around

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I’m on a winning streak. My mental health is improving, work was great, and I’m writing AND editing!

Work was so incredible this week. I did so much more than just weeding, and it was so stinking hot, that we were finishing work early. We were busting a gut to get jobs done, but it was a great week.

Then, my Doctor contacted me to say the referral had been declined, but that they suggested putting me back on my original medication. So, I said great, and as I had some here already, I’ve been taking it all week. I actually feel like I am climbing out of the hole and coming up to 100% again. It makes such a difference; I’m not bursting into tears for no reason now. I’m tired from physical work rather than mental exhaustion, and yes, they are different. Mental exhaustion I get weepy, my body gets heavy and it’s like my brain and body aren’t co-operating. Totally different from being physically tired.

I started with a group called 100 days of Writing, and it’s been so positive and fun. It’s broken down into chunks of ten-day blocks, so I finished my first block this week just been, and I’d written about eight thousand words in my current work in progress, which is my Dragon’s Lore story. And I have been editing Secondhand Daughter, averaging about a chapter and a half each day. So happy with progress. And we get to encourage each other with our writing on a Facebook group.

What did you do this week that made you a winner?

Kia Kaha

Catherine

In a Holding Pattern

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This week has been particularly hard with my mental health. I have good moments, but being in a downer mood is really hard. It affects so many aspects of my daily life.

I’m not sleeping well, in fact I have to take a sleeping pill (or half of one) twice a week now, instead of once a week.

I’m forgetting simple words, and I know this sounds really bizarre, but for someone who is a wordsmith, it is incredibly frustrating. And it can be something as simple as someone’s name. I can see their face in my head, but I can’t remember their name for the life of me, and the harder I try, the more it seems to slip into the ether of my brain.

I have been editing, but I need to be in a positive mood, otherwise I think it is crap and want to delete the entire book, which isn’t a safe place to be.

I feel so blocked creatively. It’s hard to be in my head right now, because there is so much I want to do, and I can only do it when I’m in a positive mindset, otherwise the entire project is not worth doing.

It isn’t going to last forever, I know that. It’s just until we can find a solution, which we are working on (me and my doctor is the ‘we’ I am talking about.) In the meantime, I have a wonderful support network around me, in particular my partner, Mr H, my son, and my Mum is over at the moment, so that has been really lovely to catch up and spend time with her.

So, until I have a solution, it is just a holding pattern in my life, but that’s okay, because I know that this isn’t permanent.