One Year On

Mark FowlerIt is hard to believe that it is just over a year since Mark Fowler was killed in a motorcycle accident.  That year has brought many firsts for his family.  First birthday’s without him and first Christmas without him.

It has been a year of renewal for myself.  Mr Fowler was an inspirational man, and its a great shame that I didn’t realise that before his death.  He lived his life enjoying every moment, loving his partner, his family, doing what he loved doing, fixing motorbikes.

I learned that I needed to spend more time doing that too, and I have spent a year working out what I wanted to do with my life, how I could live it every day, enjoying every moment.  I want to do what makes me happy.

This has involved me going back to counselling, to really get the problems I have,  dealt with once and for all.  Being there for my husband, and sons, my friends.

We were also fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with his partner and children over the year, developing a close friendship with them, supporting and encouraging them, reminding his young daughters of how wonderful their father was, how much he loved them.

Mark left lots of lovely reminders, he took video’s of himself and his daughters on his iPhone, so his partner and children have these lovely memories of him.  It has made me more aware of the fact that I haven’t got things like this, so earlier this year, my husband was playing his guitar at a friends wedding, so I have a video of that now.  I have videos my son has taken.  There aren’t any of me yet, but I will do this.

Over the weekend just been, we were able to go to Takaka and spend time with his family and friends at a Memorial weekend.  We camped out at the hall and spent time remembering the goofy photos, the smile, his nose (you have to see it to believe it), spend time with his lovely girls again.  It was an opportunity for me to grieve again, spend time laughing and crying over Mark’s antics, to talk about the night we partied at his partners face after he had died and his car lights kept coming on and off – the car was locked!  We believe it was Mark, letting his friends know he was there, laughing with us.

My life was changed when Mark died.  I hope that Mark is looking down from above and smiling, knowing that his life was an inspiration for me to change my life for the better.

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Plans, Plans, Plans, Plans and more Plans

Every where I turn, I seem to be planning!  It is currently the school holidays here in good ole NZ, and as I haven’t had my boy for the first week, I have been cleaning.  And planning.

My plan for the first week, was to clean and tidy the house.  This has been successfully done in the main areas, like the lounge and kitchen (and I regularly clean the bath and toilet, so didn’t feel it was necessary to put them here, but I just have!).  The second week, I have my steppies, and my son, so planning on spending time with them, and some cleaning – perhaps in youngest son’s room… time will tell.

DSCF6849I have also been planning my Inspiration jar, which I blogged about last Thursday.  I have since been playing my guitar (Da Doo Ron Ron Ron!) and beading (simple bookmarks).  These have been really nice and simple things to do, and also kept me off facebook in the evenings (although it hasn’t stopped my beloved from watching the tv, which he said he did because I was on facebook all night… One of those can’t win battles I guess.)

Another plan I have been working on, is making my Thursday blogs more about me, and my health and well being and things I have learned about me.  My first is the above blog about the inspiration jar, and I also have a couple coming up about depression, and introversion.  These have been scheduled to come up in the following weeks.  I am planning on doing one about my mentors / people I look up to and respect also.

To top it all off, and explain the third Planning in the title, I have been pikuroaseriously considering planning another novel – well a few actually!  I so enjoyed writing Cursed Love that I decided I wanted to write again… when I don’t know, but planning is important to me, so I want to get started.  So far, most of it is mulling around in my mind, one a story about fairies, and another a series of stories about survival after a cataclysmic event.  It is all very exciting!

I am also planning my revision / editing of two novels in August for The End is Nigh Challenge over at KiwiWriters.  My intention is to finish off The Gamble and to start editing Cursed Love.  And I really can’t wait!  Once upon a time I would have grumbled and groaned at editing, but now I realise this is the fun part.  The bit where you make the story shine!

So a busy couple of weeks for me.  Can’t wait for August.

Well Being

A wonderful friend of mine, Kerryn Hewson has set up a lovely website called Colour Your Life and it is full of wonderful ideas on how to grow as a person by means of inspiring yourself to a better you.  It is something I have been incredibly supportive of since my depression, because my creativity and inspiration really took a dive, and I needed to find ways in which to make myself feel better.

Her latest post really got me thinking.  And I loved the concept, so here it is:

Your Dose of Inspiration

This really got me thinking about how I am restricted for time, and how I would love to do something creative or make a connection every day.

And I loved the idea of a Mama Jar – or inspiration jar.  I loved the origami butterflies that Kerryn used, and it got me thinking.

There is a lovely little origami envelope that I love to make called Menki – (if you are curious, the instructions are here.)  I got excited.  Mum C got us a Pukeko full of lollies for Christmas.  The lollies are long gone, but I have found a new use for my beloved Pukeko – my inspiration jar.  I got cracking, and came up with… 3 ideas.  Hmm, pretty sad really.  They were – use my paint pencils, create something using calligraphy, and work on a jigsaw puzzle.

I was a little disappointed I couldn’t come up with something a little more inspiring.

But the next morning, the ideas started to flow.

Play my guitar (I will have to do a serious tune up on it!)

Practice my sign language (I have decided to learn this as a new language)

Ring Nicky / Ring Julia – these two are my dearest friends.  We connect once every three months and talk and talk and talk – our friendship extends over the phone line and we catch up with each other this way because we all live such busy lives.  But our friendships pick up from where we left off.

Do some bead work – I haven’t done anything since I well before I was diagnosed with depression.

Learn a new juggling trick – I picked up juggling three balls last year, and was getting good at it.  I want to keep going and learn some new tricks.

I haven’t included any writing ideas, because I intend to either be writing or editing or plotting and planning every day, and this is scheduled time.  I didn’t want to be hanging out for a writing envelope only to be disappointed if I didn’t get it.

So I have a few wonderful ideas now.  And I hope to come up with more.

DSCF6849My plan is, to create my inspiration jar, and each DSCF6850morning, pick out one envelope and find 15 minutes in my day to do something.  Why?  because I need to take time out of EVERY DAY for me.  And if it is only 15 minutes, that is better than nothing.  I know some days are going to be hectic, but I believe that with just 15 minutes a day, I can create something worth while and something I can be proud of, and also learn some new things while I am at it.

I have thought about an exercise jar as well, where I pick out something that I do for 10 minutes, whether it be a walk, leg exercises, stretches, arm exercises, ab exercises – you can see where this will go.  And while 10 minutes isn’t a lot of time – at the end of the week, that is just over an hour of extra exercise that I have done.

So have a go.  You might decide to do something different, but make sure it is something you want or love to do.  You will always find time for something you want to try.

Dream Time

I am one of a few people who has vivid dreams every single night.  I dream in colour and

can smell, hear, taste and feel what is going on around me.

Last night was a cracker.  Fire, Flood and landslide, all in 6 hrs!  I know this because I had the fire dream and my husband woke me up at 1am when he went to the toilet.  I went back to sleep and the landslide and floods happened until the alarm went off at 5:45am.

My question to all my followers is this:  Should I start a new blog just to put down my dreams?  I could provide it for inspirations.  Would you guys follow that blog?  Yes, my dreams are often bizarre!

Comments are welcome!

The Sound of Inspiration

Years ago, I went through a period of enjoying instrumental music.  It didn’t have to be classical, one of my favourite pieces is actually done by Genesis and called “The Brazilian“.  Then a wonderful compilation was released called Moods, then Moods II, which wasn’t as good, but still very listenable.

As I got older, went through relationships, I managed to lose all of my Moods cassettes, I think I had three of them, and I really missed them.  I often wondered where they got lest and whether they got trashed (more than likely) or  not.

The music moved me in a way that lyrical songs couldn’t.  I guess it was the mood of the song, and with no lyrics to interfere with it, I could transport myself to a magical place, full of beauty and wonder.  Sometimes I hear a good song on the radio and wonder what it would be like without the lyrics in it.

Recently I have been on Trademe and while some had been listed in the past, but until last week, nothing.  Then blow me down, Moods and Moods II came up at very reasonable prices, so I snapped them both up.

I am still waiting for Moods to arrive, but I am falling in love with instrumentals all over again.  Yanni’s Aria, Vanessa Mae’s Classical Gas, Sadness by Enigma, I had forgotten just how good these songs were, and I have wasted no time in loading them into my MP3 player, so when I get the urge to write, I will be cracking onto the Moods songs and listening away while I type!  Ahhh, bliss!  Its not the type of music my family are into (and really I do love Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and I am a new convert to Muse), but I don’t mind. It is my music to give me inspiration and enjoyment.

Flora and Fauna

I have been spending some time in the garden lately, spring cleaning the garden so to speak.  We have a lovely cottage like garden with a large cherry tree in the corner of our section.  At the moment it is covered in blossom and looks beautiful.

The gentle hum of the bees made me aware of the tree this morning while I was busy weeding in the garden.  The steady constant buzz reminds me that Spring is well and truly here.  The Kereru (Wood Pigeon) have started turning up as well, balancing clumsily in the tops of the trees and stripping the blossom’s off petal by petal.

Tui have been flitting through the trees, chasing each other through the branches, stopping occasionally to spread the word in their strange guttural language.  They swoop through the branches,  hurrying the sparrows and thrushes along, who sit there and watch for danger below before swooping down to retrieve a crumb of bread from the lawn.

Rosey (aka Little Girl) likes to sit and contemplate the big birds at the top of the tree.  They are bigger than her, but her eyes light up when one stops by.  You can see the thoughts running through her head, wondering if she would be able to catch the behemoth which sits atop the tree.  In reality, it is more likely to fly away with her attached!

Rosey and the Kereru in the Cherry Tree. Yes, that cat half way up the tree.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I might not be writing a lot at the moment, but I still take time to appreciate the beauty of the nature and the world around me.  :o)

After the Storm

After all the crappy weather we have had lately, there have been some fantastic photo opportunities.  This was one evening, the sun peeked through the clouds which were still dark and threatening, and I got this fantastic shot.

This one was taken very early in the morning, before the sun rose behind him, and I thought it was rather dramatic.  The snow looked really low, and by the afternoon most of it was gone.

I am so lucky to live in this part of our beautiful country, there is so much stimulation and creative inducing scenery around me.  No wonder I love writing so much!