Tag Archives: life

Confronting Issues

Posted on by
Reply

This week, at work, I had a lady turn up that I knew well from when I was at school. And she hasn’t changed a bit! But I was also reminded that her daughters had been particularly nasty to me at school, in fact, they were bullies.

I had these two sisters through primary school, intermediate, and secondary school. They were kids, just like me, except they were nasty with their words and actions. No matter what I did or said, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. These girls weren’t the only ones, but I guess, having known them since primary school, was more than enough.

And I was surprised to see their mother…and then I worried about if they might come to see their mother. What would happen then? Would they recognise me? Would they have matured? Or would they still be able to say the spiteful things that they used to years ago?

I know I have changed. Because of their (and other kid’s) bullying, I developed a resilience that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I also know when to pick my battles. I don’t put myself into situations where I am likely to get bullied. In fact, I never went to my school reunion, because I couldn’t be bothered with trying to prove who I was now.

And that is the lesson I had to learn here too. I don’t need to prove to them that I’m a different person. I don’t need to worry about them being in my sphere or being around me, because I can be the adult and either acknowledge them or not. I control the situation now, I won’t let people put me into the position where I’m made to feel smaller than them, or less than them, because I know who I am, and I’m powerful in that.

(I would have poked my tongue out at them behind their back though!)

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

Excitement is building

Posted on by
Reply

After what seems like forever, I’m finally back writing. I think it was only two weeks, but when you’re a writer, two weeks can seem like two years. And because I write when I have a spare moment, and before I go to work, an hour a day feels like a lifetime ago. But I managed to get in three writing days, and a couple of days editing.

I have Finding Sam Healey up for pre-order, and I’m working out what my next projects will be. I have a little bit of writing to go on my last Racing Harts story, and then I think I will write my Cinderella retelling. Editing-wise, I’m working on Carol’s Christmas, and hope to have that out, maybe October or November. But it could be earlier than that. It’s still all up in the air.

What isn’t up in the air is wanting to sell my books myself. From my own website. With my ebooks, that means I’ll make 90% of the costs, rather than 70% (or as low as 60% with an aggregator). It means that I can also provide paperback copies to New Zealand readers at a more reasonable cost as well. I already sell my books for $15, but I’m looking at increasing the costs, mostly due to the fact that it is costing me more to getting them in, but it would still be reasonable. $25 plus $5 postage.

With selling on my own website, I can offer more merchandise as well, like bookmarks, and other publications that aren’t available through any other platform. It also means I can offer discounts on my eBooks, and currently I’m looking at selling them at US$2.99 through my website, while increasing the costs to $4.99 through the other book places (Amazon, Kobo, Apple, Google, Smashwords and other online retailers.

I want to get serious about selling my books, and this is one way I can do it. I would love to sell more paperbacks, but I’m still working out the nuts and bolts of advertising.

So watch this space…something big is happening here soon…

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

Being In Tune With Your Body

Posted on by
Reply

This week has been busy. My mum has been over from Blenheim, I’ve worked during the day and at night, and it’s all been rather busy. I’ve also been trying not to have a cold.

And I woke up Saturday morning, made a coffee and went back to bed to read. I got up about 9am, had breakfast, and went back to bed. Because I was physically tired. I got up yesterday afternoon and lazed on the couch all day, watching YouTube videos of people who remake dolls into something special, cos-players creating new costumes, and various archeological programs. It wasn’t a sickness ache, it was a bone-weary ache. And yes, I know the difference.

When I’m sick, I start immediately taking chili tea – and it isn’t as nasty as you think. You put a teaspoon or two of the chili tea into what you’re drinking and it will help clear your throat of any mucus and generally make me feel better.

Yesterday morning, it was a tiredness that I get when I’ve done too much physically. I get it a lot, and often when I’m over-peopled or been overly physical, mostly in the garden. I’m guessing that I pushed myself a little too much with work and my body was letting me know that I needed a break.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling more refreshed and ready to go, and I was able to spend some time on my computer editing, because I need to get that book out! When I’m tired, I start to lose concentration and I make silly mistakes, and that’s when I know I need to quit what I’m doing and give myself a break. I ache in the back of the head, and around my sinus’s (I also did a nasal flush). Bone-weary tiredness is an ache in all of my joints, like they are heavy and I can’t lift them up. People with Chronic Fatigue will understand that tiredness and the lack of energy that comes with that.

It’s only since I was diagnosed with depression about ten years ago that I started to become more aware of my gut instinct and my body, and what my body was telling me. It knows what it needs, and to start with it was hard when I lived with somebody who was too busy gaslighting me to help me. I had stopped trusting my gut, but I knew that I needed to do what was right for me.

I still have hang up’s about resting because of that person, but as the years roll on, I’ve learnt that my body is more aware of what it needs than I give it credit for. And the bone-weary tiredness is a way my body tells me that I’ve been pushing things too hard.

I urge you to listen to your body. It knows what is right for you and what you need. Don’t ignore it when it’s telling you something.

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

The Meta and AI controversy

Posted on by
Reply

The big news this week was that Meta used a pirate website to download millions of books to feed into their AI – Llama3.

My books weren’t included – I’m not a big enough author or earning enough for the pirates to warrant accessing my books, but a lot of my writing friends from around the world have had some or all of their books pirated, and then fed into Llama3 in order for it to ‘learn’.

And then people wonder why writers hate AI.

I was a fan of AI until this came out, because I find what Meta did was morally wrong. They used a pirate site, which had already ripped off hundreds of thousands of writers by taking their work and selling it (most often without the author’s knowing or receiving payments for it) and then Meta used that, along with everything else on the site, which includes doctorates and other university grade papers to make their AI ‘intelligent’, instead of approaching people and asking if they could use their resources.

Of course, Meta isn’t the only company that has probably done this, but because Meta is a social media giant (with Facebook, Instagram and Threads), it has acquired more notoriety.

While what I was doing was feeding my own books into the AI program I was using, illegally taking something that wasn’t theirs to take in the first place is just downright wrong.

But what can we do about it? Well, nothing. That’s the annoying thing. Authors could do a mass walk off of Facebook / Instagram, but where else are they going to go? There is no other popular social media out there that is like Facebook or Instagram. The closest to Threads (Metas version of Twitter, or X as it is now known) is Bluesky, but there is no other equivalent for Facebook, because it is THE social media platform. But I will be checking out some others, including Mastodon and Vero.

There is Whatsapp – but that means giving my personal phone number out to people, and I don’t want to do that. There is also Snapchat and Pinterest. And while Pinterest interests me, I’m not sure that Snapchat or Whatsapp are really places an author can use – maybe they can, but I’m not sure they’re the right places for me.

There is TikTok – but I’ve been avoiding it – not because I don’t want to do it, but because my audience isn’t there. Mostly my audience are on Facebook or Instagram, and how do you convince your followers to leave and try another social media platform?

Of course, there is my website, but until I can work out how to have more contact with people on there, like having a chat function so I can share information that can go out to all of my followers. I do weekly blogs, but that isn’t what people want. No one except my mum and a couple of other people read these posts. (If you do, leave a like on the facebook page.)

So, what do I do? Do I suck it up and stay? Or do I show Meta the middle finger and find another social media platform to share my news? You tell me.

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

Enough Mucking Around, Time to Get Serious.

Posted on by
Reply

It’s nearly two weeks since I quit my job, so now I have to sort it out.

I’ve been writing, gardening, studying, spring cleaning my house, now I need to get back out there and find a job. The thing is, I don’t know what I want to do, and whether I want to be fulltime or part time.

Fulltime work would give me the money to be able to continue my writing and cards until the money from those keep coming in, but I’m also trying to get my proofreading business off the ground, and my cards, and my writing, so would part time suit that better?

I’d love to be able to not work at all, and just focus on my cards and writing, unfortunately I have had less than stellar sales in my books, and I haven’t sold any cards yet, so it really isn’t such a good idea to just try and exist on thin air.

I have a partner and a son. We share the costs of living between the three of us. And if I’m not paying, then unfortunately, there would be a few bills that didn’t get paid.

Now, if I could get something that paid mega bucks for few hours, that would be fantastic, but the chances of that are relatively slim. I’m no executive or manager, so I’m not even going to apply for those sorts of jobs. Fortunately I live in an area full of orchards, and now is a good time to find a job. There’s apple thinning, then pruning, then picking, then packing. That will last through until May. If I put aside enough money, I might not have to work over winter, which would be more than ideal, however I don’t see that working out.

Oh well, one day at a time, one step at a time. I’ll get there. I’ll work out what I need to do for the next part of my life journey.

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

Taking Each Day as it Comes.

Posted on by
Reply

It’s been a week. Really. A long week. After having covid, I seem to have picked up a post covid infection. Of course, it isn’t clear exactly where. My chest isn’t wheezing, my nose is clear, but I’m coughing up some yucky stuff.

I’ve been taking it quietly, very quietly. I haven’t been doing a lot at all. The reason is, I knew I would have an incredibly emotional day on Saturday, which was the memorial for my dear friend Aaron. And I was right, it was an emotional day. I spent the entire service in tears. I’m still feeling very raw.

To add to my emotional woes, my beloved Son is heading off on his own adventure overseas, and it’s the first time he’s left home for a significant period of time. And of course, he couldn’t just go to the North Island, or travel around the south, no, he had to decide to go to the US for a month. To say I’m nervous is an understatement, but I have to let him go and experience life on his own terms.

As a result of the recent emotional upheavels, I have not been writing, which means that my mental health is dropping, but I know and recognise that. That is the reason why I am taking each day as they come. Because I only have the day I am in. It is pretty much how I exist, and its only at the end of the day that I look at the following day, and think about what I might do for dinner (if it’s my cooking day) and make my lunch and get my work gear organised for for the following day.

So as this week begins, I will be taking it one day at a time, which means enjoying spending some time with my son before I take him to the airport on Monday afternoon.

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

Feeling Fatigued

Posted on by
Reply

What a week. I’ve worked two jobs from Monday to Wednesday, one job on Thursday and Friday, been to Pole class, working on study, cooked, cleaned and done edits and continued writing on my Racing Harts series. No wonder I am tired!

On Saturday, I slept in until 7am, because Lunar doesn’t believe in having lie in’s. I got up, fed her and crawled back into bed, and proceeded to watch a couple of Youtube videos until I fell asleep again about 7:30am, and woke up at 10am! And I still felt tired. I had an afternoon nap and finally felt like I’d caught up on sleep, so all up, on Saturday, I slept approximately 12 hours.

That’s some serious sleeping time on a day off. That’s half of Saturday that I slept! But Saturday morning, once I got up, I cooked some tomatoes for tea, made some lemon quencher and reset some heat packs, and on Saturday afternoon / evening, I finished all the edits on Second-Hand Daughter, so now I only have a couple of small tweaks to do, and then I have to format the story and have it all ready to be released on 31 May 2024. And I might also have some print books available by then too.

I only have four more weeks of apple packing to go after this week, but the extra money is handy, and I can’t wait to get my teeth sorted out and have that 100 watt smile back.

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

All Peopled Out!

Posted on by
Reply

Friday was my birthday, and it’s a significant one. I’m 50! The big five oh! Am I worried about that? No! I’m loving where my life is at right now. I’m happy, healthy (to a degree) and I’m cranking through my plans and goals for the year. I’m really enjoying where I am. I have a lovely family, a supportive partner and so many lovely people in my life.

On Friday, we had a ‘party’ for the my birthday. I say ‘party’, because it wasn’t really an official party, it was just an invitation to friends to join us (My Mum, son and Mr H) to celebrate with me. I was blown away with the people who turned up, and I know that I have a lot of beautiful and special people in my life.

On Saturday, my Dad and stepMum came over and we had a barbeque for my birthday, with two of my closest friends coming over. It was another really special and lovely day, with my friends making me the most beautiful birthday presents themselves. (See attached photo) I really appreciated the effort that they put into making me feel special.

I was in bed by 7pm on Saturday night, and asleep before 8.

Today is Sunday, and I am absolutely exhausted. I look like I have a hangover, and I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m not a drinker, I had one glass of wine on Friday, and one on Saturday, so I’m not actually hungover.

I love that I had so many people come and celebrate with me, but I am over-peopled! It doesn’t mean that I don’t like people around me, or with me, it just means that I have over-socialised, and being an introvert, I’ve had way too much social activity in the last two days.

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people around me that love me. And I am so thankful for them in my life. Even if I do get tired out being around them.

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

Extra Naps Necessary

Posted on by
Reply

Hello from my corner of the world. I love this spot so much, and it was a lovely sunny day when I came outside, but now the sun has disappeared… and it’s gotten colder.

Anyway, Last weekend, I had a lovely weekend in Wineborough, catching up with my family. I had such a lovely holiday, and we (my partner, Mr H and I) also got to go to the Wings and Wheels show. It was pretty spectacular with lots of fancy and old cars, along with the old planes they keep at Omaka Air Base.

This weekend, it was the Car Show at the Show Grounds, so another few hours whiled away, looking at cars and spending time just inhaling exhaust fumes.

I easily get over-peopled. Its not people as such, its the crowd, the overwhelming amount of people that attend these things. I have a large personal space, and I don’t like people entering that space unless I invite them to, so people pushing around me, and walking into me, really makes me feel small and insignificant (even though I am anything but small!) Being an introvert, I like my little corner of peace and quiet, that’s how I recover from my day-to-day life. In the weekends, if I spend it at a large gathering like that, I almost need a day off to recover from being over-peopled.

Since discovering that I am an introvert, things make so much more sense, like how I appreciate time alone, how I recover from being overwhelmed when I have space and quiet around me.

Because of my depression, my brain goes into hyperdrive, and when I am overwhelmed, and over-peopled I tend to find that I need to shut down mentally, and to achieve this, I need to nap. Some might call it being lazy, but I have come to accept that it is part of who I am. And what I need to be the wonderful, zany and weird person that I am.

So, if you find yourself overcrowded and in desperate need to sleep, go and do it. You might find it is your body’s way of trying to recover.

How has your week been? Not too overwhelming I hope.

Kia Kaha

Catherine

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.

And Back to work on Monday

Posted on by
Reply

I have had such a lovely restful week. So blissful, sleep in’s, afternoon naps, doing things, being places, and so much writing! But the hard reality is, I have work again. And I’m feeling kind of blah about it.

I love work, I love gardening, and I love the people that I meet, but sometimes, I would rather just be sitting at home doing nothing – but then, I’d end up wishing I was somewhere other than home.

This last week has been really nice, because Mr H has been home too, so we have been for swims together, played golf, been over to Richtown and had a coffee. He’s been there when I’ve woken up from a nap. He’s encouraged me when I’ve been writing and editing. The thing is, we are all back to work tomorrow, so it wouldn’t be the same. Mr H wouldn’t be there when I woke up from a nap. He wouldn’t be there to do things with.

Until I start making enough money from my writing – which will happen, (I have it on my 5-year plan, to be making enough money to retire from my day job and actually spend my time writing.) I just have to suck it up and go back to work.

[KClientError] [REQ_ERR: 401] [KTrafficClient] Something is wrong.