Tag Archives: Mental Health

Taking Each Day as it Comes.

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It’s been a week. Really. A long week. After having covid, I seem to have picked up a post covid infection. Of course, it isn’t clear exactly where. My chest isn’t wheezing, my nose is clear, but I’m coughing up some yucky stuff.

I’ve been taking it quietly, very quietly. I haven’t been doing a lot at all. The reason is, I knew I would have an incredibly emotional day on Saturday, which was the memorial for my dear friend Aaron. And I was right, it was an emotional day. I spent the entire service in tears. I’m still feeling very raw.

To add to my emotional woes, my beloved Son is heading off on his own adventure overseas, and it’s the first time he’s left home for a significant period of time. And of course, he couldn’t just go to the North Island, or travel around the south, no, he had to decide to go to the US for a month. To say I’m nervous is an understatement, but I have to let him go and experience life on his own terms.

As a result of the recent emotional upheavels, I have not been writing, which means that my mental health is dropping, but I know and recognise that. That is the reason why I am taking each day as they come. Because I only have the day I am in. It is pretty much how I exist, and its only at the end of the day that I look at the following day, and think about what I might do for dinner (if it’s my cooking day) and make my lunch and get my work gear organised for for the following day.

So as this week begins, I will be taking it one day at a time, which means enjoying spending some time with my son before I take him to the airport on Monday afternoon.

Advantages of being SICK

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Last week, Mum sent me home because she had covid, and on Monday, I tested positive for it. It was probably a coincidence that she had it, then I got it, because my son also tested positive, albeit weakly.

Monday and Tuesday I felt pretty blocked up with sinuses and felt pretty yuck, but not any different than having a cold.

By Wednesday, I was desperate to do something, because I don’t do well being confined to home. So, I cleaned. I tidied up my craft desk, my writing desk, I dusted the entire house, and I deep vacuumed the floors (like the skirtings, the corners, any cobwebs, EVERYTHING!)

And I even wrote. And instead of writing for fifteen minutes and getting 300+ words, I wrote for however long I wanted, and often finished entire chapters.

I watched series 3 of Bridgerton (Colin and Penelope, *sigh*) and watched movies, and caught up with ‘My Life is Murder’.

My mental health has taken a hit, because of the deaths I’ve experienced lately, but I’m processing. I’ve cried a lot in the last few weeks, but that’s good, it’s normal to cry and let out the sadness and move through the grieving process, and we all grieve differently. Some of us keep it all inside until we go to bed at night, then allow ourselves the opportunity to cry. Some cry and get it all out and move forward. Just know that grieving looks different for everyone.

Back to the grind this week, provided the weather plays ball.

Hope everything has gone well with you this week.

Unstoppable

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Sia’s song, Unstoppable has been playing in my head lately, and while it is a conflicted song, it’s the chorus that makes me feel so positive and well… unstoppable!

‘I’m unstoppable, I’m like a Porsche without the brakes. I’m invincible, and I will win every single game. I’m so powerful I don’t need batteries to play. I’m so confident, yeah, I’m unstoppable today.’

The actual verses are about how she puts on a happy face to get through the day, and no one really knows what she is going through.

I actually feel like this is describing depression.’ Break down, only alone will I cry out loud’, ‘I put my armour on, show you how strong I am’, ‘Tell you what you want to hear.’

If this sounds like you, there are people out there who can help you. I got help, and while people hassle me about being on medication, I have a quality of life I wouldn’t otherwise have. Talk to your friends, your boss, someone you trust. I went down the route of green prescription first, but it didn’t work. I tried it for a year, that’s how long I tried to make it work, but it didn’t.

And now, I am unstoppable. I am invincible (to a degree, lol). I’m powerful and I am confident, because I am who I chose to be, which is me. A wonderfully created weirdo who likes to laugh at people doing stupid things!

What are you doing today to make you confident in who you are?

Kia Kaha

Winning All Around

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I’m on a winning streak. My mental health is improving, work was great, and I’m writing AND editing!

Work was so incredible this week. I did so much more than just weeding, and it was so stinking hot, that we were finishing work early. We were busting a gut to get jobs done, but it was a great week.

Then, my Doctor contacted me to say the referral had been declined, but that they suggested putting me back on my original medication. So, I said great, and as I had some here already, I’ve been taking it all week. I actually feel like I am climbing out of the hole and coming up to 100% again. It makes such a difference; I’m not bursting into tears for no reason now. I’m tired from physical work rather than mental exhaustion, and yes, they are different. Mental exhaustion I get weepy, my body gets heavy and it’s like my brain and body aren’t co-operating. Totally different from being physically tired.

I started with a group called 100 days of Writing, and it’s been so positive and fun. It’s broken down into chunks of ten-day blocks, so I finished my first block this week just been, and I’d written about eight thousand words in my current work in progress, which is my Dragon’s Lore story. And I have been editing Secondhand Daughter, averaging about a chapter and a half each day. So happy with progress. And we get to encourage each other with our writing on a Facebook group.

What did you do this week that made you a winner?

Kia Kaha

Catherine

In a Holding Pattern

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This week has been particularly hard with my mental health. I have good moments, but being in a downer mood is really hard. It affects so many aspects of my daily life.

I’m not sleeping well, in fact I have to take a sleeping pill (or half of one) twice a week now, instead of once a week.

I’m forgetting simple words, and I know this sounds really bizarre, but for someone who is a wordsmith, it is incredibly frustrating. And it can be something as simple as someone’s name. I can see their face in my head, but I can’t remember their name for the life of me, and the harder I try, the more it seems to slip into the ether of my brain.

I have been editing, but I need to be in a positive mood, otherwise I think it is crap and want to delete the entire book, which isn’t a safe place to be.

I feel so blocked creatively. It’s hard to be in my head right now, because there is so much I want to do, and I can only do it when I’m in a positive mindset, otherwise the entire project is not worth doing.

It isn’t going to last forever, I know that. It’s just until we can find a solution, which we are working on (me and my doctor is the ‘we’ I am talking about.) In the meantime, I have a wonderful support network around me, in particular my partner, Mr H, my son, and my Mum is over at the moment, so that has been really lovely to catch up and spend time with her.

So, until I have a solution, it is just a holding pattern in my life, but that’s okay, because I know that this isn’t permanent.

Knowing my Limits

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This week has been… well challenging. Monday was a long day at work, and by the time I got home I was burning with anger. Tuesday, that anger hadn’t subsided much, which was unusual. Normally when I’m angry, I vent, its gone. But no, this stuck around.

Wednesday, I couldn’t get out of my own way. I hadn’t slept for two days (due to the unknown anger) and needed a day off. Mentally, I was struggling. You see, my mental health has declined because of a medical condition. By the end of the day, I had messaged my Doctor and told her I needed to see her, before March, which was the next available appointment.

Thursday, I had it together enough to know that I was okay. And went to work, Friday was okay too. Saturday,I got out for a walk and today is, of course, Sunday.

You see, when I wrote Why Wednesday, it was last Sunday, and I decided that I needed to write something, so I wrote about my mental health and depression, which I was diagnosed with 12 years ago. I didn’t realise that I would be suffering a decline by Wednesday.

I recognised it late – normally things happen that make me aware that my mental health is deteriorating, like no interest in writing, lack of sleep, or oversleeping, crying for no real reason. It wasn’t until Wednesday lunchtime that I knew I had to go for a walk and do something to get out of my own head. It worked though, and by Wednesday night I was feeling better.

My doctor messaged me to tell me she will call me on a certain date, and we will be able to discuss options then. Until then, I am in a holding pattern, keeping busy, walking (exercising), being creative in other ways (redesigning book covers / creating Christmas presents etc, and watching funny videos.

Hopefully I will be feeling better by Christmas time and able to celebrate and enjoy the festive season.