Tag Archives: grieving

And then comes the Funeral

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As you know, my stepmum died last week. We had her funeral on Wednesday in Wineborough. It was a lovely service, her son’s said lots of lovely things about her. I wanted to stand up, but I knew it wouldn’t take long and I would be in tears. In fact, I was in tears from the moment I first saw the casket, because Dad made it. It made it to look like a Clinker Dinghy. It was beautiful, and as soon as I saw it, I lost it. I was pretty much a mess from then on.

I was one of the pallbearers, along with her 4 son’s and her granddaughter. We carried the coffin out to the hearse, and then put sprigs of rosemary on it. – Rosemary is for remembrance.

I was fortunate enough to catch up with my cousin and his wife who were in Christchurch and decided to come up for the funeral. His mum, my Auntie, died earlier this year. It was a sad occasion for all of us.

Pretty much since Wednesday, I haven’t been writing. I just don’t have the passion or drive at the moment. And that’s okay. I am grieving for a loved one that meant a lot to me and my writing.

Monday is a return to normal, going back to work, so being back into a routine might help with the writing, but if it doesn’t, I’m not panicked. I will write again, and soon, I just need to give myself time to cry for the loss of a loved one.

Grieving on Mothers Day

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Last week I mentioned how my head was struggling with words because of some stress.

My stepmum had a massive stroke about three weeks ago. She wasn’t expected to live very long, and Dad instructed me not to come over. I agreed, but it was hard, because I love my stepmum very much.

Last weekend I decided to go over and caught up with Dad and my stepmum, who was in hospital. She couldn’t speak clearly, and half of her body was unresponsive, but I went and held her hand. She spotted the pendant I had on, the one that her and Dad had given me for my 50th Birthday earlier this year. She started playing with it, pulling it around and around my neck. I was able to give her a kiss and tell her I was heading home.

My Dad rang on Friday, to say that my Stepmum passed away that afternoon. It was a blessing really, because she wouldn’t have been happy living half a life. But it was still sad, because she was such a lovely lady and a full-on personality.

And then Sunday was Mother day. My usual Mother’s Day rounds is to contact my Mum, my stepmum, and my ex-mother in law, (because we are actually still friends). This year, I cried, because I couldn’t ring my stepmum. She isn’t there anymore.

It’s going to take a while to get through this. I still have flashes of sadness about my Stepdad, and he’s been gone for eight years.

Both were instrumental in my life, by encouraging me to do what makes me happy. They loved that I published books and helped me when they could.

I will miss my Stepmum very much.