Relator, in my writing.

I wrote a few weeks ago about the fact that I’, Number 1 Strength Relator in the Clifton Strengths test. You can thank Becca Syme for that, it seems to be something that most writers are buying into.

I wrote about how as a Relator, (Understanding Catherine Mede – Blog dated 12 January 2025) impacts my life. Now, I’m going to explain how it impacts my writing, because until I heard this, I didn’t realise that it was what I did in my writing.

A writer, who is a relator, will often delve into relationships without understanding why. They want to express the dynamics and the unusual aspects of relationships, that isn’t normally talked about.

And I see that in my writing. In Cursed Love, Jinny didn’t want to have a relationship because she’d lost her first love and blamed it on a family curse. It was only through perseverance that Ethan managed to convince her to give love a chance.

In Running Away, we see Larissa trying to escape a bad time in her life, so she goes on a tramp, where she runs into Harley, who is hiding out at a Lodge in the Abel Tasman National Park. Their relationship might seem to be normal, except Harley is keeping his identity a secret.

In Compromising Positions, we have Jo who has been burned in a relationship. But this story also looks at the relationship she has with man she works for, Edward, and his son, Logan as well as the relationship between Edward and Logan.

It seems that I look looking into relationships that are unusual too. Like Second-Hand Daughter, where Sylvia and Peyton have to build a relationship after Slyvia’s husband (and Peyton’s dad) is killed in a car accident.

I could keep going on all of my books and the strange relationships that they encounter and how they work to make the relationship work. Because often relationships aren’t as simple as “I love you, lets move in together.”

Relationships fascinate me, and I think that as long as I am writing, all of my stories will look at the relationships that form and where they come from and why they do things the way they do.

Understanding Catherine Mede

It was a big year for me last year, I learnt a lot of things about me. Stress and I don’t work well together, I let anger build until it gets too much then blast everything around me, and I’m a relator.

Let me explain. A big thing in the writing industry at the moment are Clifton Strengths. Becca Syme (all hail Becca Syme) teaches that you need to write to your strengths, and how to work out your strengths. She’s a business and writing coach, and I got to meet her at the Romance Writers New Zealand Conference in Christchurch in August last year. She is amazing, so insightful and full of inspiration and lots of other things. So, I did my strengths. My top five are: Relator, Intellection, Learner, Positivity and Consistency. A lot of you out there will be nodding your heads, either knowing that is exactly me, or knowing exactly what that means.

Pretty much, I like to develop relationships with people, but I have a boundary system. Only one or two get to the inner sanctum. Everyone else fits into the remaining rings, either as friends or acquaintences. When I’m writing, I like to get indepth with the relationships that people build. Intellection is about enjoying mental activity, intellectual discussions. I like time alone and I am my own best companion. Learner, means I like to learn. Not necessarily about the learning, but the process of learning. I like to continuously improve myself.

Consistency means that I need to treat people the same. I crave routine, structure, rules and procedures. I don’t like unfairness or inequality. And lastly, positivity. I have contagious enthusiasm, generous with praise and encouragement. I like to celebrate achievements.

Many people are probably wondering why this blew my mind. Perhaps because I took a test, and these were the results. There are 34 different strengths, and these are my top five, and they pretty much sum me up. And looking back, I can see how they have affected me this year and the decisions that I made.

Going forward, they will help me with my writing. I already use Relator in building the relationships with my characters, and they with each other. The learner in me, has me studying NZ Small Business studies so I can run my business successfully. The positivity and consistency mean that I need to write every day and be happy with what I’ve done and celebrate the achievement of having written. And intellection? Well, that explains the need for cryptic crosswords in my life.

Personal Discoveries

When I discovered that I was an introvert, life became a lot easier, because I understand why I needed so much rest after a social gathering, or even being in a busy place like a supermarket or mall. My mental health of course also dictated that a sleep was necessary after being in such places.

I’ve been hearing a lot about Clifton Strength’s, espcially on the SPA Girls Podcasts, and thought I should finally do mine.

My top five were: Relator, Intellection, Learner, Positivity and Consistency. I was surprised that Relator came out on top, considering I am such an intense introvert, but Relator means that I enjoy close relationships with others, and I guess you could say that. I have lots of friends, but not many really close friends, and those that I do, I really value their opinion and thoughts, and I love spending time with them, and they don’t drain my energy.

Intellection was another surprise, as I don’t consider myself an intellectual, but I do enjoy a good intelligent conversation. It also means that I am introspective and intellectual discussions.

Learner is no surprise, I love studying and learning new things.

Positivity, I’m always being told that I have a positive attitude and ‘contagious enthusiasm’. I love encouraging people and telling them they’ve done a great job.

Consistency is another one that is strange, but then it means that I like to treat people the same, which I do, until you piss me off, and then you are put into the “asshole” category (and there are a few people in there…)

The top four strengths are about Relationship building and strategic thinking, and Consistency is about excuting themes and making them happen.

So there you go, something new to learn about me. It’s not as world changing as discovering I’m an introvert, but it helps me understand more aspects of myself and how I like to do things.