Category Archives: Life

SAD time of Year

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It’s been a tough couple of weeks. My mental health has been on the decline, but it is that time of the year.

My mental health is something I am very conscious of, because it can sometimes be a delicate balance between feeling good and feeling nothing. Because when I go into a depressive state, I tend to feel numb. I also want to sleep more, I guess to take come of the numbness out of the day.

I do have go to ways of lifting my spirits, like getting out for a walk, and going to the gym, and watching stupidly funny videos, but even that hasn’t helped me get through this week. Instead, I’ve watched funny videos and thought more about how some of the falls would have hurt, and how close some people came to giving themselves concussion. Yeah, things are pretty bad when I can’t see the funny side of things.

It is that time of the year, when it is at it’s coldest and bleakest. Winter is still here, frosts are taking their toll, and I don’t do cold – have I told you I don’t do cold?

This weekend was an opportunity to escape to Wineheim, and catch up with my Mum and my brother’s family. we have a lovely time together, and it’s those moments that remind me that family are important in helping heal mental health issues.

It didn’t help that last week, my ankle and knee decided to play up, just as I was going for a walk, or to the gym, put I pushed through it and went anyway, because sometimes any excuses not to do something good for you, is the opposite of what you should do. I learnt that from my Bobba. He would get out and go for long bicycle rides just to chase the blues away. I miss that he’s not around to confide in anymore, but I can still talk to him, I just don’t get the answers like I used to.

Another couple of weeks and there will be longer days, and those who are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder will lift, and we will get back to our normal daily routines, and our moods will lift with more sunlight in our day.

Until then, I will keep going, one funny video at a time.

Q3 Mid Quarter Progress Report

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We’re half way through July and things are happening.

I have the edits back for Carol’s Christmas and I have it away with my friend, Carole for her to check it out and proofread – don’t worry, she’s an author as well. I hope to get this off to two of the lovely lady’s who shared their cancer story’s with me for them to check it over as well. I kind of want their approval before I proceed any further. My plan is to publish this book in October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness month. I also want to donate some of the funds from the book to the Breast Cancer Foundation. I’m thinking $5 for paperbacks and $1 for the ebooks. That’s my thinking at this stage.

I was thinking about publishing another book this year, but I think I will hold off on that, and focus on writing, because I have my editor booked for Finding Faith, my first Racing Harts book for the end of September 2025, which means that I will probably publish all three Racing Harts books next year.

I’m well on the way with my Men in Kilts series, which will be released in 2027. It sounds like a long time away, but I don’t want to burn myself out trying to write and publish 12 books a year. I’m already stretching myself to writing two books at a time, because I want to start publishing under my new pen name next year as well.

My new pen name will write Speculative Fiction – which is anything other than normal. Pretty much Science Fiction, Romantasy (Romantic Fantasy), Urban Fantasy. This is my first passion, and I want to write these again. Some will be spicy (full of sex), some will be sweet (kissing at the most), but it will be dark, because that seems to be where my stories have been going.

But never fear, because while I like writing dark, I like light and fluffy too, and for that reason I’m really enjoying writing Quin and Stef’s story in my first Men in Kilts story. It’s not quite a Romcom, but it’s pretty close, so very light-hearted.

Towards the end of the year I will have a publishing plan going forward, at this stage, I’m enjoying the writing process still, and can’t wait to get Carol’s Christmas out to you all to read. I had a lot of fun writing this book, which is another Women’s fiction. It has a strong female lead who discovers that money isn’t always the answer, and that people matter more than you think.

When it feels like Forever

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Wednesday night, I had little sleep after a nightmare repeatedly woke me up.

Thursday, another bad dream left me with little sleep.

I planned on having a sleeping pill to help me sleep Friday night…but nature had other plans.

I’d gone into town on Friday morning to have a catch up and lunch with a very dear friend. While I was there, my manager rang and told me to reconsider coming into work, because the worst of the rain was going to hit around 3pm. So I chose not to go to work.

I got home about two in the afternoon, and it was really pouring down. When I got home, I noticed the water in the orchard next to us was up, but not overly high.

But as the afternoon progressed, the waterlogged soil was unable to cope and the water got closer and closer to the house. Until by five pm, we had a lake out the front as the water from the orchard was trying to find the easiest way to get into the drain, and that was through the front of our place. The drain was so full, that for the first time ever, it was overflowing the footpath and the vehicle bridge to access our property.

We lost power about 4pm, and Mr H and I were outside barbequing our tea, when I saw Police cars go past, and then stop. They stopped at our place and told us we had to leave. Even though water hadn’t entered our property, and we knew we still have half a metre to go before it got there, they wanted us out. So we had five minutes to pack bags grab the cat and go.

Lunar wasn’t happy about the situation, but I wasn’t going to leave her behind, so with my laptop, tablet and phone, I then had to consider what else I needed. Clothes weren’t my top priority, but I had grabbed cat food and treats for her.

Fortunately, we were able to stay with a very dear friend, who had two cats of her own, which simply dwarf Ms Lunar. Our friend had a dog crate that she set up for us to put lunar into, so she could experience the warmth of the fire without worrying about the big boys harrassing her.

By 8pm, the rain had stopped. And it was eerily silent. Even the wind had stopped blowing.

But we stayed the night (another sleepless night) before we returned home about 1015 the following day. The only flood damage we had were apples from the orchard in our backyard. Nothing else was affected…

Except my mental health. It felt like we’ve had nothing but grey cloudy skies for three weeks (we have had some sunny days, but only like two or three), and then the stress of having to evacuate, by the time Saturday morning came around, I just wanted to cry. Even though it was just over twelve hours since we’d left our house, it felt like forever. Even though we’ve had periods of sunshine, it feels like it’s been grey forever.

But I have to keep reminding myself, it isn’t forever. We had a beautiful sunny day on Saturday, and I will remind myself after another couple days of gloomy weather that we have had sunshine.

Even when our mental health dips, we have to remember that we haven’t been feeling that way forever. It is just a small blip that we need to get through. It won’t last forever, only until we have a new sunny moment shine upon us.

AI Strikes Again

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I received an email this week from a regular writing group I’m part of, (James Blatch Learn Self Publishing) and they mentioned Sindo Hane who had listed a series of 100 books written since April 2025.

According to them, it’s written by AI, because who can write and publish 100 books (that’s approximately 2 – 3 books a day) – in 50 days? And if you can, can you share your secret please?

And who is going to read those books? Someone is, which means that the market is going to be saturated with AI produced books when it’s already hard to be heard above the noise of other authors on the writing platforms such as Amazon, Kobo, Apple, Nook and Google Plus. All this while there are places on the website where you have to acknowledge that the books are produced by AI. People are also advertising on Facebook that you can produce books using AI, and Amazon will pay about thousands of dollars. How they get that when Jo Bloggs author is struggling to get traction on the platform is just beyond me. And they’re charging people to learn how to do this. (I recently reported one as misleading information.)

What does that mean for an author like me who is still trying to get a market share of the readers?

Well, it makes life harder, that’s for sure. Because it means I have to pay more for advertising for people to pay attention to my books. It means I have to be clear about my intention with my books as well, including my mission statement / vision statement, which are things that I have been working on.

I’ve been slowly learning about marketing, but it takes a while for someone like me who doesn’t have a selling bone in their body to try and sell my books. I can only hope that people will find me and read my books and work their way through my backlist.

Selling on my own website and then teaching people to buy direct from me is another option, but again, we need to get people to find me first.

I guess we just have to keep hoping that people will ignore AI produced books and continue to follow real people and real authors who are producing quality products out there.

Nearly a Year

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It’s nearly a year since you left. Without any clue or discussion. You just…went.

I’d been struggling to cope with the death of my step-mum after a prolonged illness. And I’d been to see her, thankfully, but I was still trying to cope with the loss. It was your birthday, I wished you happy birthday. You responded a couple of days later, to say thanks. And what had I been up to. I told you my Stepmum had died, and I was trying to cope.

That was the last time we spoke.

I looked over the photos that your family had taken during their recent visit. You looked so sad. I’d never seen you look so lost and alone. Is that what made you leave? You realise you could have come home, we would have looked after you, kept you on your toes. Or is that the reason why you didn’t want to come home, because you knew that we’d be constantly in your face, we would make sure you were okay.

Instead, we have to suffer, cry, question, rage, plead and most of all wonder what went wrong. Why you couldn’t talk to any of the people you knew around the world. Your problem was so big that you thought none of us could cope with it. You knew I could have. We’d shared some of our darkest secrets.

A year of birthdays, Christmas, New Year, your birthday…all without you to share those moments with. And that hurts. And what hurts most, is the fact that you left us without telling us why.

I still miss you every day. I still cry over you, the fact that you couldn’t talk to me. Or anyone else. What was the darkest moment that you couldn’t deal with? What did you think we couldn’t help you with?

Just know, that I love you, I always have, and I always will. x x x

To Work or Not to Work…

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I was listening to an Author podcast this week which went on about the benefits to being a full time writer and not working a normal 9 to 5 job anymore. They were making it sound like it was the ideal for EVERY writer out there.

And once again, I was reminded that I don’t need to write full time and that I require the outside world to actually be a well fulfilled person.

Don’t get me wrong, if you want to be a stay a home, full time author, all power to you. I, for one, can’t do that because a) I can only write about 1500 words per story and b) I need the stimulation of a good conversation, or action going on around me. Also work can be inspiring. I wrote Cursed Love about Insurance assessing, because that is what I did for 13 years of my life. I wrote Compromising positions because I was a gardener for nearly six years. Who knows what will come from me working in a hospital.

I listened to another podcast a while ago, and the lady, a writer and an airline hostess (or steward, or whatever non-pronoun word they use now) and she enjoyed working so much, that she worked part time, and because she’d been doing it for so long, she was able to choose what flights she wanted to do.

I write best in the morning, and I can work on two stories at the same time, so I can get 1500 per story. But after lunchtime, I can’t get my brain to focus solely on a story. In fact, mostly after lunch all I want to do is nap. But I can edit in the evenings, and this is what I tend to do, if I haven’t been working in the afternoons. Because by the time I finish work at 6pm, drive home, and then have tea, all I want to do is go to bed.

So writing full time isn’t for everyone. If you don’t think that you want to be a full time writer, then you don’t have to be. Don’t let others put their opinions onto you and tell you it’s the only way. There are different ways of obtaining the same thing, and for now, I’m happy to write and work part time.

Confronting Issues

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This week, at work, I had a lady turn up that I knew well from when I was at school. And she hasn’t changed a bit! But I was also reminded that her daughters had been particularly nasty to me at school, in fact, they were bullies.

I had these two sisters through primary school, intermediate, and secondary school. They were kids, just like me, except they were nasty with their words and actions. No matter what I did or said, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. These girls weren’t the only ones, but I guess, having known them since primary school, was more than enough.

And I was surprised to see their mother…and then I worried about if they might come to see their mother. What would happen then? Would they recognise me? Would they have matured? Or would they still be able to say the spiteful things that they used to years ago?

I know I have changed. Because of their (and other kid’s) bullying, I developed a resilience that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I also know when to pick my battles. I don’t put myself into situations where I am likely to get bullied. In fact, I never went to my school reunion, because I couldn’t be bothered with trying to prove who I was now.

And that is the lesson I had to learn here too. I don’t need to prove to them that I’m a different person. I don’t need to worry about them being in my sphere or being around me, because I can be the adult and either acknowledge them or not. I control the situation now, I won’t let people put me into the position where I’m made to feel smaller than them, or less than them, because I know who I am, and I’m powerful in that.

(I would have poked my tongue out at them behind their back though!)

Formatting Lessons Learned

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When I was home full time, I used a notebook as a ‘To Do list’, and I always felt like I’d accomplished something when I got things crossed off that list. Lately I’ve been wondering why I haven’t been as productive with my To Do list, and it’s taken me until now to work it out.

Yes, call me blond if you want, but the reason I haven’t been as productive is…wait for it… because I’m working again, so I don’t have all day to get tasks done. It was kind of a bolt out of the blue to come to this conclusion, then I chastised myself for not realising it sooner.

I’m very tough on myself, I try to hold myself in high esteem, but I also have to remember that I am only one person, trying to make my writing work for me, and not against me. Writing is something I love to do, and I don’t mind doing formatting etc to make my book look pretty. I used to follow India Drummond’s helpful tutorial on YouTube on how to format my print book, but when I went in there recently…It’s gone! And instead of an hour that it normally took me to do formatting, I spent six days nutting it out myself, with help from a couple of downloaded templates. The thing is, I don’t want to cut and paste my book into a template. I’ve just spent a massive amount of time setting up the mirror margins and the type font etc. I don’t have time to cut and paste, but you know what? It would have been quicker.

One lesson I did learn, was to not use page breaks when I finish a chapter. Use a scene break. Have odd and even numbered page numbers, and learn how to break the pairing with the previous scene break. I have to say that I am pleased with the overall result, but it took me days of yelling at my laptop and cursing the internet for being dodgy at crucial moments, because it would decide that it needed to think before it would allow me to do something, and I was already five steps ahead. So I would have to be patient (something I don’t have a lot of) and let things do it’s thing, then try again.

The good news is, the ebook was a lot easier to format and was done in about an hour, and now, Finding Sam Healey is up for pre-order. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see how people find it. If you want a copy of the paperback, or ebook, let me know, you might get an early copy so that you can spread the word about this book.

Betwixt and Between

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I’m in a weird space at the moment, between formatting a book, writing two and editing another, it’s one of those moments when you wonder if it is all worth it.

I listen to writing podcasts, and they say that there aren’t many who make money writing overnight, and I get that. But I will have 8 books published soon, and I’ve only made about $120 from them all, in total. ther the end.

I know that most writers don’t get a lot of money from writing, but is my writing that bad that I won’t make any money from it?

When I’d editing a story, I get to a point where it’s like – this is the worst thing I’ve ever written, why did I even bother, and then I get a note from my editor saying she loved how I pulled everything together in the end. Does that mean that the rest of the story is… well… crap?

No, it just means I’ve read it over about thirty million times, and the new sparkly glossy idea I had no longer carries the sheen that it had. Instead, it’s a polished diamond that will go out into the world.

And I know that the more books out there, the more money I will make, but if I make $100 in 10 years, does that mean it will be another 10 before I crack $1,000?

Don’t panic, I’m not giving up writing. My brain wouldn’t allow me to do that, but I do sometimes wonder if it is worthwhile trying to make some money out of it. At least I have another fourteen years until retirement. That’s if the age hasn’t been raised again by then.

Being In Tune With Your Body

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This week has been busy. My mum has been over from Blenheim, I’ve worked during the day and at night, and it’s all been rather busy. I’ve also been trying not to have a cold.

And I woke up Saturday morning, made a coffee and went back to bed to read. I got up about 9am, had breakfast, and went back to bed. Because I was physically tired. I got up yesterday afternoon and lazed on the couch all day, watching YouTube videos of people who remake dolls into something special, cos-players creating new costumes, and various archeological programs. It wasn’t a sickness ache, it was a bone-weary ache. And yes, I know the difference.

When I’m sick, I start immediately taking chili tea – and it isn’t as nasty as you think. You put a teaspoon or two of the chili tea into what you’re drinking and it will help clear your throat of any mucus and generally make me feel better.

Yesterday morning, it was a tiredness that I get when I’ve done too much physically. I get it a lot, and often when I’m over-peopled or been overly physical, mostly in the garden. I’m guessing that I pushed myself a little too much with work and my body was letting me know that I needed a break.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling more refreshed and ready to go, and I was able to spend some time on my computer editing, because I need to get that book out! When I’m tired, I start to lose concentration and I make silly mistakes, and that’s when I know I need to quit what I’m doing and give myself a break. I ache in the back of the head, and around my sinus’s (I also did a nasal flush). Bone-weary tiredness is an ache in all of my joints, like they are heavy and I can’t lift them up. People with Chronic Fatigue will understand that tiredness and the lack of energy that comes with that.

It’s only since I was diagnosed with depression about ten years ago that I started to become more aware of my gut instinct and my body, and what my body was telling me. It knows what it needs, and to start with it was hard when I lived with somebody who was too busy gaslighting me to help me. I had stopped trusting my gut, but I knew that I needed to do what was right for me.

I still have hang up’s about resting because of that person, but as the years roll on, I’ve learnt that my body is more aware of what it needs than I give it credit for. And the bone-weary tiredness is a way my body tells me that I’ve been pushing things too hard.

I urge you to listen to your body. It knows what is right for you and what you need. Don’t ignore it when it’s telling you something.