Tag Archives: Mental Health

Finding New and Inspiring Things To Do.

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I joined a gym, not long after I started my new job, and it was a little hit and miss to start with, but I got into a program, and had a personal trainer (who also runs the bootcamp that I go to) and started to really get into it.

On discussion with my personal trainer, I decided to up the ante a little and now I am in a three day a week program. It isn’t about building muscle, because that isn’t what I want to do, at this stage. Instead we are doing some corrective work, and then some muscle work to help.

Corrective work is because we discovered I have hyperextension. I always knew I was a little kookie with weird elbow angles, and knees that want to go backwards, so I’m doing exercises to help strengthen those muscles to prevent injuries from happening. I’m also doing exercises for my Archille’s that I slightly ruptured in December last year.

As a result, my mental health has improved, and my brain is just buzzing with ideas, which keep flowing, and I can’t keep up! I have a notebook with story ideas that I might have to get a ghost writer to finish for me!

Overall, I’m really enjoying the gym visits. It helps with my mental health, and I listen to podcasts while I’m exercising. I’m starting to get into a rhythm of attending three day a week, and settling into a routine of writing, editing and gym visits as well as my work schedule.

SAD time of Year

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It’s been a tough couple of weeks. My mental health has been on the decline, but it is that time of the year.

My mental health is something I am very conscious of, because it can sometimes be a delicate balance between feeling good and feeling nothing. Because when I go into a depressive state, I tend to feel numb. I also want to sleep more, I guess to take come of the numbness out of the day.

I do have go to ways of lifting my spirits, like getting out for a walk, and going to the gym, and watching stupidly funny videos, but even that hasn’t helped me get through this week. Instead, I’ve watched funny videos and thought more about how some of the falls would have hurt, and how close some people came to giving themselves concussion. Yeah, things are pretty bad when I can’t see the funny side of things.

It is that time of the year, when it is at it’s coldest and bleakest. Winter is still here, frosts are taking their toll, and I don’t do cold – have I told you I don’t do cold?

This weekend was an opportunity to escape to Wineheim, and catch up with my Mum and my brother’s family. we have a lovely time together, and it’s those moments that remind me that family are important in helping heal mental health issues.

It didn’t help that last week, my ankle and knee decided to play up, just as I was going for a walk, or to the gym, put I pushed through it and went anyway, because sometimes any excuses not to do something good for you, is the opposite of what you should do. I learnt that from my Bobba. He would get out and go for long bicycle rides just to chase the blues away. I miss that he’s not around to confide in anymore, but I can still talk to him, I just don’t get the answers like I used to.

Another couple of weeks and there will be longer days, and those who are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder will lift, and we will get back to our normal daily routines, and our moods will lift with more sunlight in our day.

Until then, I will keep going, one funny video at a time.

When it feels like Forever

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Wednesday night, I had little sleep after a nightmare repeatedly woke me up.

Thursday, another bad dream left me with little sleep.

I planned on having a sleeping pill to help me sleep Friday night…but nature had other plans.

I’d gone into town on Friday morning to have a catch up and lunch with a very dear friend. While I was there, my manager rang and told me to reconsider coming into work, because the worst of the rain was going to hit around 3pm. So I chose not to go to work.

I got home about two in the afternoon, and it was really pouring down. When I got home, I noticed the water in the orchard next to us was up, but not overly high.

But as the afternoon progressed, the waterlogged soil was unable to cope and the water got closer and closer to the house. Until by five pm, we had a lake out the front as the water from the orchard was trying to find the easiest way to get into the drain, and that was through the front of our place. The drain was so full, that for the first time ever, it was overflowing the footpath and the vehicle bridge to access our property.

We lost power about 4pm, and Mr H and I were outside barbequing our tea, when I saw Police cars go past, and then stop. They stopped at our place and told us we had to leave. Even though water hadn’t entered our property, and we knew we still have half a metre to go before it got there, they wanted us out. So we had five minutes to pack bags grab the cat and go.

Lunar wasn’t happy about the situation, but I wasn’t going to leave her behind, so with my laptop, tablet and phone, I then had to consider what else I needed. Clothes weren’t my top priority, but I had grabbed cat food and treats for her.

Fortunately, we were able to stay with a very dear friend, who had two cats of her own, which simply dwarf Ms Lunar. Our friend had a dog crate that she set up for us to put lunar into, so she could experience the warmth of the fire without worrying about the big boys harrassing her.

By 8pm, the rain had stopped. And it was eerily silent. Even the wind had stopped blowing.

But we stayed the night (another sleepless night) before we returned home about 1015 the following day. The only flood damage we had were apples from the orchard in our backyard. Nothing else was affected…

Except my mental health. It felt like we’ve had nothing but grey cloudy skies for three weeks (we have had some sunny days, but only like two or three), and then the stress of having to evacuate, by the time Saturday morning came around, I just wanted to cry. Even though it was just over twelve hours since we’d left our house, it felt like forever. Even though we’ve had periods of sunshine, it feels like it’s been grey forever.

But I have to keep reminding myself, it isn’t forever. We had a beautiful sunny day on Saturday, and I will remind myself after another couple days of gloomy weather that we have had sunshine.

Even when our mental health dips, we have to remember that we haven’t been feeling that way forever. It is just a small blip that we need to get through. It won’t last forever, only until we have a new sunny moment shine upon us.

Being In Tune With Your Body

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This week has been busy. My mum has been over from Blenheim, I’ve worked during the day and at night, and it’s all been rather busy. I’ve also been trying not to have a cold.

And I woke up Saturday morning, made a coffee and went back to bed to read. I got up about 9am, had breakfast, and went back to bed. Because I was physically tired. I got up yesterday afternoon and lazed on the couch all day, watching YouTube videos of people who remake dolls into something special, cos-players creating new costumes, and various archeological programs. It wasn’t a sickness ache, it was a bone-weary ache. And yes, I know the difference.

When I’m sick, I start immediately taking chili tea – and it isn’t as nasty as you think. You put a teaspoon or two of the chili tea into what you’re drinking and it will help clear your throat of any mucus and generally make me feel better.

Yesterday morning, it was a tiredness that I get when I’ve done too much physically. I get it a lot, and often when I’m over-peopled or been overly physical, mostly in the garden. I’m guessing that I pushed myself a little too much with work and my body was letting me know that I needed a break.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling more refreshed and ready to go, and I was able to spend some time on my computer editing, because I need to get that book out! When I’m tired, I start to lose concentration and I make silly mistakes, and that’s when I know I need to quit what I’m doing and give myself a break. I ache in the back of the head, and around my sinus’s (I also did a nasal flush). Bone-weary tiredness is an ache in all of my joints, like they are heavy and I can’t lift them up. People with Chronic Fatigue will understand that tiredness and the lack of energy that comes with that.

It’s only since I was diagnosed with depression about ten years ago that I started to become more aware of my gut instinct and my body, and what my body was telling me. It knows what it needs, and to start with it was hard when I lived with somebody who was too busy gaslighting me to help me. I had stopped trusting my gut, but I knew that I needed to do what was right for me.

I still have hang up’s about resting because of that person, but as the years roll on, I’ve learnt that my body is more aware of what it needs than I give it credit for. And the bone-weary tiredness is a way my body tells me that I’ve been pushing things too hard.

I urge you to listen to your body. It knows what is right for you and what you need. Don’t ignore it when it’s telling you something.

A Moment in the life of a writer

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My mental health has been discussed here a lot, but lately it has been on the up and up. I have the occasional day when things don’t quite go to plan, but that is normal whether you have a mental health issue or not.

Yesterday (Saturday), I had a bit of a blip. I’d written about 5000 words over various stories, and while that is normally something I’m extremely happy with, I told myself that it would probably all be deleted when it comes to editing.

I was tired and on my drive home, I managed to convince myself that I was a completely pathetic writer and that none of my stories were any good, and no wonder I didn’t have sales, etc.

By the time I got home, had dinner and ruminated some more, I was at the point of tears. I knew that it was wrong, and that I was over-reacting, but I couldn’t seem to shake myself out of the melancholy.

I was so upset and wound up about my writing. My partner, very attuned to my moods asked me if I was okay. When I told him, he told me that 5000 words was impressive, and if I wasn’t a successful writer, then I wouldn’t have so many books published (7 books) (Yes, he is a keeper). I had a cry, snuggled with him and then went to bed.

This morning (Sunday), I woke up feeling a lot brighter and happier, and able to look on yesterday’s blip and recognise it for what it was. An overtired reaction to something that my brain ruminated over. knew

Everyone has moments where they overthink something, or over react to something that happened in their day. Sometimes it’s tiredness, it might be stress, or it could be something else altogether. Just remember, it is only a blip. It isn’t the end of the world, or the end of your mental health. It is just a day where you refer back to your earlier self, before you had the tools to help you cope with situation.

Recognising that I was over-reacting was a good thing, because I knew that I would come through the other side and still have my mental health intact.

If you have a bad day, remember it is only one moment in time. And sometimes we need the bad times to remember how far we’ve come on a good day.

Taking Each Day as it Comes.

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It’s been a week. Really. A long week. After having covid, I seem to have picked up a post covid infection. Of course, it isn’t clear exactly where. My chest isn’t wheezing, my nose is clear, but I’m coughing up some yucky stuff.

I’ve been taking it quietly, very quietly. I haven’t been doing a lot at all. The reason is, I knew I would have an incredibly emotional day on Saturday, which was the memorial for my dear friend Aaron. And I was right, it was an emotional day. I spent the entire service in tears. I’m still feeling very raw.

To add to my emotional woes, my beloved Son is heading off on his own adventure overseas, and it’s the first time he’s left home for a significant period of time. And of course, he couldn’t just go to the North Island, or travel around the south, no, he had to decide to go to the US for a month. To say I’m nervous is an understatement, but I have to let him go and experience life on his own terms.

As a result of the recent emotional upheavels, I have not been writing, which means that my mental health is dropping, but I know and recognise that. That is the reason why I am taking each day as they come. Because I only have the day I am in. It is pretty much how I exist, and its only at the end of the day that I look at the following day, and think about what I might do for dinner (if it’s my cooking day) and make my lunch and get my work gear organised for for the following day.

So as this week begins, I will be taking it one day at a time, which means enjoying spending some time with my son before I take him to the airport on Monday afternoon.

Advantages of being SICK

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Last week, Mum sent me home because she had covid, and on Monday, I tested positive for it. It was probably a coincidence that she had it, then I got it, because my son also tested positive, albeit weakly.

Monday and Tuesday I felt pretty blocked up with sinuses and felt pretty yuck, but not any different than having a cold.

By Wednesday, I was desperate to do something, because I don’t do well being confined to home. So, I cleaned. I tidied up my craft desk, my writing desk, I dusted the entire house, and I deep vacuumed the floors (like the skirtings, the corners, any cobwebs, EVERYTHING!)

And I even wrote. And instead of writing for fifteen minutes and getting 300+ words, I wrote for however long I wanted, and often finished entire chapters.

I watched series 3 of Bridgerton (Colin and Penelope, *sigh*) and watched movies, and caught up with ‘My Life is Murder’.

My mental health has taken a hit, because of the deaths I’ve experienced lately, but I’m processing. I’ve cried a lot in the last few weeks, but that’s good, it’s normal to cry and let out the sadness and move through the grieving process, and we all grieve differently. Some of us keep it all inside until we go to bed at night, then allow ourselves the opportunity to cry. Some cry and get it all out and move forward. Just know that grieving looks different for everyone.

Back to the grind this week, provided the weather plays ball.

Hope everything has gone well with you this week.

Unstoppable

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Sia’s song, Unstoppable has been playing in my head lately, and while it is a conflicted song, it’s the chorus that makes me feel so positive and well… unstoppable!

‘I’m unstoppable, I’m like a Porsche without the brakes. I’m invincible, and I will win every single game. I’m so powerful I don’t need batteries to play. I’m so confident, yeah, I’m unstoppable today.’

The actual verses are about how she puts on a happy face to get through the day, and no one really knows what she is going through.

I actually feel like this is describing depression.’ Break down, only alone will I cry out loud’, ‘I put my armour on, show you how strong I am’, ‘Tell you what you want to hear.’

If this sounds like you, there are people out there who can help you. I got help, and while people hassle me about being on medication, I have a quality of life I wouldn’t otherwise have. Talk to your friends, your boss, someone you trust. I went down the route of green prescription first, but it didn’t work. I tried it for a year, that’s how long I tried to make it work, but it didn’t.

And now, I am unstoppable. I am invincible (to a degree, lol). I’m powerful and I am confident, because I am who I chose to be, which is me. A wonderfully created weirdo who likes to laugh at people doing stupid things!

What are you doing today to make you confident in who you are?

Kia Kaha

Winning All Around

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I’m on a winning streak. My mental health is improving, work was great, and I’m writing AND editing!

Work was so incredible this week. I did so much more than just weeding, and it was so stinking hot, that we were finishing work early. We were busting a gut to get jobs done, but it was a great week.

Then, my Doctor contacted me to say the referral had been declined, but that they suggested putting me back on my original medication. So, I said great, and as I had some here already, I’ve been taking it all week. I actually feel like I am climbing out of the hole and coming up to 100% again. It makes such a difference; I’m not bursting into tears for no reason now. I’m tired from physical work rather than mental exhaustion, and yes, they are different. Mental exhaustion I get weepy, my body gets heavy and it’s like my brain and body aren’t co-operating. Totally different from being physically tired.

I started with a group called 100 days of Writing, and it’s been so positive and fun. It’s broken down into chunks of ten-day blocks, so I finished my first block this week just been, and I’d written about eight thousand words in my current work in progress, which is my Dragon’s Lore story. And I have been editing Secondhand Daughter, averaging about a chapter and a half each day. So happy with progress. And we get to encourage each other with our writing on a Facebook group.

What did you do this week that made you a winner?

Kia Kaha

Catherine

In a Holding Pattern

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This week has been particularly hard with my mental health. I have good moments, but being in a downer mood is really hard. It affects so many aspects of my daily life.

I’m not sleeping well, in fact I have to take a sleeping pill (or half of one) twice a week now, instead of once a week.

I’m forgetting simple words, and I know this sounds really bizarre, but for someone who is a wordsmith, it is incredibly frustrating. And it can be something as simple as someone’s name. I can see their face in my head, but I can’t remember their name for the life of me, and the harder I try, the more it seems to slip into the ether of my brain.

I have been editing, but I need to be in a positive mood, otherwise I think it is crap and want to delete the entire book, which isn’t a safe place to be.

I feel so blocked creatively. It’s hard to be in my head right now, because there is so much I want to do, and I can only do it when I’m in a positive mindset, otherwise the entire project is not worth doing.

It isn’t going to last forever, I know that. It’s just until we can find a solution, which we are working on (me and my doctor is the ‘we’ I am talking about.) In the meantime, I have a wonderful support network around me, in particular my partner, Mr H, my son, and my Mum is over at the moment, so that has been really lovely to catch up and spend time with her.

So, until I have a solution, it is just a holding pattern in my life, but that’s okay, because I know that this isn’t permanent.